13 Reasons The Raiders Should Relocate To Las Vegas
As the dust cloud settles from the NFL's mass emigration to Los Angeles, one franchise stands alone with just a bindle on its shoulder and a dream. It's the Oakland Raiders, whose ongoing quest for a new home is starting to look like less like the relocation of an iconic NFL franchise and more like the process your uncle went through when he was trying to find a family member who'd let him leave his broken Winnebago in their driveway.
First it was St. Louis, then it was L.A., then it was San Antonio, then it was San Diego -- now it's the entertainment capital of the world.
[Sports Illustrated] Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis is scheduled to meet with Las Vegas Sands casino Sheldon Adelson on Friday to discuss relocating the team to Las Vegas, casino officials confirmed to the Associated Press...
Adelson and The Sands are seeking to build a stadium on the UNLV campus that would be shared between the college team and a professional team. The proposed 65,000-seat stadium is valued at $1 billion.
The pairing of Las Vegas and the Raiders couldn't be more perfect. "City of Sin" meets America's charmingly evil football team. What's not to like?
Below are 13 reasons the move makes total sense...
13) Ill-fated commitments to massively overpaid free agents can now be consecrated by an ordained miniature Elvis at a convenient drive-through window.
— John Morris (@johnnymocurler) January 19, 2016
12) Owner Mark Davis gains unabated access to Sheldon Adelson's hairstylist.
Mark Davis, Sheldon Adelson plan Raiders stadium in Vegas at court-ordered "Grotesque Haircut Support Group" meeting pic.twitter.com/4jlmp7HAAl
— Jake O'Donnell (@_JakeODonnell) January 29, 2016
11) Gives people of Las Vegas somewhere to go on Sunday mornings that doesn't involve the son of God's disapproving gaze or boiling holy water.
10) Raiders fans get to leave stadium knowing other people won't look at them funny because everyone will assume they're a bachelor party for some spooky gothic wedding.
— The NFL Hotline (@TheNFLHotline) January 20, 2016
9) Guy Fieri gets to see his favorite team in the only city that doesn't collectively cringe when he builds a restaurant there.
— Ross Wendlandt (@RossWetLand) January 8, 2014
8) The UNLV Runnin' Rebels will no longer have to carry the dubious distinction of being Las Vegas' highest-paid football team.
7) Unparalleled access to high-quality strip clubs simplifies Sebastian Janikowski's transition into post-football career as a lapdance tester.
6) Jack Del Rio gets to live in a place custom-built for guys named "Jack Del Rio."
5) Having spent decades playing on a field bisected by a baseball diamond, the Raiders won't have a problem playing on a field with a 400-foot fountain in the middle of it.
4) Vegas' tourist-friendly layout makes it easy for Raiders head coaches to take in entire city before being abruptly fired days into the job.
3) City's escorts get benefit of knowing they aren't the only ones being fucked by a bunch of rich guys who flew in for the weekend.
2) Given their ambitious draft history and risky free agent signings, the Raiders' front office will absolutely love being able to legally gamble after work, as well.
2008 Al Davis signed Javon Walker to a six year, $55M contract, he caught 15 passes for 196 yards in two years and was cut.
— Matt Lorsch (@mlorsche) March 13, 2015
1) Raiders fans, players and coaches will no longer be subjected to ridicule after yet another embarrassing season because what happens there, stays there.
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