14 Ways To Bring Down Rob Gronkowski That Don’t Involve Going Low
Denver Broncos cornerback Chris Harris caught some heat for his response to a question about the optimal way to tackle New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. “You gotta hit him low, man," Harris said on "SportsCenter" Tuesday. "Hit him in his knees -- that’s the best chance you have of hitting him.”
Obviously, the implication here is that the only way to effectively slow Rob Gronkowski is to hurt him, so it's no wonder Gronk's response was a bit salty.
Heard their whole team is good at giving low blows https://t.co/nDOsOwkvki
— Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) January 19, 2016
In fairness to Gronk -- who believes the Broncos defense is particularly adept at putting penises in their mouths -- there are other ways to tackle him without throwing your shoulder into the dead center of his medial collateral ligament. Below are a few alternative approaches to stopping Rob Gronkowski for Harris and his teammates to consider heading into Sunday's AFC Championship Game.
14) Double-dog dare him to fall down, go boom.
13) Form a circle around him, chant his name until he starts doing "The Cry Baby," then lightly tap his backside.
12) Paint another, more enticing-looking end zone on the concrete wall behind the real end zone, hang an arrow in front that says "12 points, this-a-way!"
11) Fill a kiddie pool with champagne and Molly pills, place it just beyond the line of scrimmage, then explicitly tell him "No cannonballs."
10) Chase him into a windmill and let the villagers handle the rest.
9) Simon says "Gronk lay down!"
8) Attach snowspeeder tow cable to his leg, make a few passes around him, detach tow cable.
7) Excitedly brag about how you can see all the sexy naked ladies in China if you press your eye really really close to a small divot in the turf.
6) Roughly 57 shots of Jagermeister.
5) Dress pylons in Patriots end zone to look like Gronk's favorite Minions, see what happens.
4) Five-point palm exploding heart technique.
3) Wait until he reveals his giant, red, blinking eye, then give it everything you've got.
2) Hit him in the quarterback.
1) Technically sound shoulder tackle driven through his midsection by all 11 defenders at the exact same moment.
Be the first to know
Want FREE Fantasy and Gaming Advice and Savings Delivered to your Inbox? Sign up for our Newsletter.