16 Reasons Eli Manning Wants To Be The Highest-Paid Player In The NFl
Philip Rivers -- a man who has never ever ever been confused for an "elite quarterback" in his entire career -- managed to get the San Diego Chargers to cough up a four-year, $83 million deal over the weekend, $65 million of which is guaranteed. Eli Manning -- a boy in a man's body who has flirted with the title of "elite quarterback" on more than one occasion -- is looking to surpass Rivers' deal, making him the highest-paid player in the NFL (until Andrew Luck gets paid at some point between now and 2017). How much is he asking for? The short answer, according to ProFootballTalk's Mike Florio, is $23.7 million per season.
That's a whole wotta chingy coins for Eli.
Eli Manning said he wants to be the highest paid NFL player. Then he ate a pine cone & violently struggled w/ a Capri Sun straw for an hour.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) August 18, 2015
Here are 16 reasons why Eli Manning is looking to become the highest-paid player in the National Football League.
16) Has plans to buy, then release the Miami Dolphins back into the Atlantic Ocean where they can be free to fight sharks.
15) Sick of having to ask Giants front office for money every Christmas.
14) Recognizes that he's the Giants' best chance at securing high draft picks going forward.
13) Was informed by agent that his request of "one hundred" hundred dollar bills is, counterintuitively, less than "twenty-three" million dollar bills.
12) Knows that Peyton is probably going to steal most of it, anyways.
11) Has always wanted to dive into swimming pool of gold coins.
10) Wants to make sure his family is secure for next 10,000 years.
9) Just $94 million away from returning Nigerian prince he met on the internet to his rightful place as the King of Africa.
8) Wants to regain locker room's respect after embarrassingly choking on a Lego in front of entire Giants roster.
7) Needs to pay off massive phone bills after using 1-800-COLLECT for literally every phone call he's made over the last 20 years.
6) Can't find money earned from last contract.
5) Plans to finance research expedition to Skittles source at end of rainbow.
4) Just learned how to count to $94 million.
3) Someone told him to.
2) Does not want to be forced into indentured servitude at Papa John's commercial factory like his brother.
1) Because why the hell not.
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