17 Reasons Why RGIII Doesn’t Have Any ‘Meaningful Locker Room Relationships’
The quarterback situation down in Washington is like a tire fire sitting on top of one of those decomposing whale carcasses that has to be filled with dynamite to be moved. They've got a middling quarterback slated to start Week 1 -- who would be battling for a roster spot on most other teams in the NFL -- and another who can't seem to do much of anything other than collect the $23 million he's owed between now and 2017. If Robert Griffin III was a car, he'd be a very expensive car that did not work very well and all the other cars in your garage would not get along with it. (A shitty metaphor, we know.)
BTW: Kirk Cousins has officially unofficially been tapped as the starter for the 2015 season.
Gruden confirms that Kirk Cousins will be the starter, not just for Week 1 but for 2015. #RedskinsTalk
— Tarik El-Bashir (@TarikCSN) August 31, 2015
On ESPN's "Mike & Mike" program this morning, Ryan Clark dished some inside info on Griffin's apparent lack of chemistry with his teammates in D.C. If there ever was an sign Washington would eat his contract, Griffin's on-going inability to gel with the other guys he plays with would be it.
“A lot of questions come up about what type of teammate he is. I think he’s a good teammate. Here’s why: He works hard. He comes in the building every day and he’s attempting to be the best he can be. He’s not one of those quarterbacks who says, you know what, I’m not going to do the conditioning program or certain parts of it, I’m going to do it all. It also has a little bit to do with his skill set, though. The other side of it is he doesn’t have meaningful locker room relationships, and what I mean by that is, every team is different. If you’re a married guy, you have a family, you don’t hang out with the single guys and go do what they do after the game. You go home, you get a meal, and go to sleep. So everybody’s not friends like that.”
“But inside the building, there was a guy who you watched film with. There was a guy who you did extra work with. When you look down and saw the Minnesota Vikings wide receivers doing drills, there was always a guy you were paired with, right? He doesn’t have those relationships, and those relationships are the ones that make people want to play with you, whether you’re playing good or bad, because you’re their guy. And that’s nobody’s fault, and that’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, but that’s how you get people to stand up on the table for you in front of the camera when things are going bad, like it started to do in year two.”
Below are 17 reasons why RGIII can't seem to make friends...
17) Somehow brings every conversation back to his story about time he saw the Green Knight's triumphant victory over "that scoundrel from the Blue Kingdom" during a class trip to Medieval Times in 1998; insists it was real.
16) Pranks teammates by posting nude photographs of their loved ones on social media.
15) Pretends to be a reporter after games, walks around asking everyone about the time they pooped their pants in the third grade.
14) Plays favorites with receivers, often choosing opposing team's middle linebacker.
13) Incessantly reminds teammates, "It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno," during team pizza dinners.
12) Keeps bragging about how many porno videos his dad has.
11) Is difficult to understand through thick Borat impression.
10) Washes fruit in team whirlpool while other people are using it.
9) Makes receiving corps watch "The Blair Witch Project" instead of game film during study sessions, insists it's a real movie.
8) Only talks in Cartman voice inside huddle.
7) Still has no clue who "Andre 3000" is despite constant reminders from teammates that he's using his hairstyle from Aquemini.
6) Literally throws teammates under the bus.
5) Plays fuck, marry, kill with coaching staff about coaching staff.
4) Depressing pre-game speeches are directly lifted from "Stepmom" without attribution.
3) Demands that everyone listen to his Abba tapes through Talkboy XL instead of popular Spotify playlists played on expensive locker room sound system.
2) Insists on shouting "High five!" whenever he wants a high five, pulls hand away, shouts "Too slow!" every time.
1) Thinks he's better than everyone else.
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