7 Hilarious Quotes From The Washington Post’s Over-The-Top Jim Nantz Profile
Were you to read this recent Washington Post profile of broadcaster Jim Nantz with zero knowledge of the sports media landscape or the achievements of his peers, you'd finish it believing Nantz to be the last decent human in the entire industry.
Author Rick Maese goes to extreme lengths to portray the 57-year-old announcer as a cherished relic from a more simple and beautiful era of sports journalism, despite the fact that Nantz's career truly hit its stride in the new millennium. The piece is indulgent in its celebration of his posh, one-percent lifestyle - detailing everything from his Pebble Beach wedding to his family vacations on the Bush family compound.
It doesn't get more upper-crust in America than being friends with a family that has produced two Presidents. In fact the piece features several quotes from George H.W. himself, who believes Nantz to be "a lot more interesting and entertaining" than his peers - although setting a 92-year-old as the barometer for what's interesting and entertaining is a more than a little bit counter-intuitive.
Jim Nantz is a very good broadcaster who is excellent at his job and I am not here to argue that. I'm just here to make fun of this article that describes a middle-aged white man as the pinnacle of achievement and talent in sports media. Enough of that, already.
With that in mind, here are seven of the most obnoxious quotes:
"For Nantz, the azaleas are always blooming, and the magnolias are always majestic."
"And no rose has any thorns, so suck it Axl!" There were was no context for the flower analogies, just so you know. Just straight plucked that shit out of thin air.
"...now with legends retiring or slowing down, Nantz, at 57, is already a dean of sorts of American sports broadcasting."
Counterpoint: Al Michaels, Bob Costas, Chris Berman...all still working. Nantz is fine, don't get me wrong. But the "dean" he most definitely is not.
"A generation of sports fandom has been soiled by cheats, by Lance and by Bonds, by the billions of dollars fueling both amateur and professional sports, by the distance that’s grown between the kid in the stands and the one on the playing field."
There's nothing more pretentious and misguided in sports than the sentiment that cheats and liars in sports didn't exist until the 1990's. Bullshit. And what distance? Professional athletes are accessible as they've ever been, thanks to social media and political correctness. Nostalgic shit like this is pure fiction.
"Nantz married Courtney, his second wife, in 2012. He proposed to her at the Bush compound in Kennebunkport, Maine."
Yes, he proposed to 31-year-old Court three years after divorcing his wife of 26 years. I couldn't care less personally, but a fifty-something media guy nabbing a second wife who is 20 years his junior is the most stereotypical crap of all time. But please, tell me more about how he's from "another era."
"So they got married on the seventh hole [at Pebble Beach]. The weather was perfect. Arnold Palmer was there. The saxophonist Kenny G played. A flock of seagulls soared along the horizon as the two exchanged vows."
This was almost saved by imagining the band Flock of Seagulls in this scenario. Unfortunately, the shameless name-dropping on behalf of Nantz is a little too nauseating to be ignored.
"People who know Nantz insist he doesn’t change when the red light comes on. He tells stories. He talks history. He shares memories."
I know this is a cute thing to say, and to some extent it's probably true. But everyone changes when they're on TV. It's the nature of the job. If you can't appear to be more refined or interesting or dynamic than you actually are, you're doing it wrong.
"If the national title game is a geyser of excitement, the Masters is a Roman fountain, each captivating in its own way."
Again, these metaphors are entirely unprompted by context. Maybe the author is just so physically aroused by Jim Nantz that he has his own geyser of excitement.
Be the first to know
Want FREE Fantasy and Gaming Advice and Savings Delivered to your Inbox? Sign up for our Newsletter.