9 Possible Outcomes Of Tim Tebow Speaking At GOP Convention
Jake ODonnell 10:16 am, July 14th, 2016
Racist tangerine bagpipe Donald Trump promised "a ton of sports people" would speak at this month's GOP Convention, and much like everything else he says, it was absolute bullshit. Well, unless you consider UFC President Dana White and LPGA golfer Natalie Gulbis "a ton" of "sports people." Oh ya, and don't forget Tim Tebow, who'll be speaking on Day three of the event -- the same day as Trump's Vice President -- meaning they're probably not the same person.
Hey, I sure Tim Tebow will take it in stride -- he's been consistently rejected by professional football teams for the last six years -- though the same probably cannot be said for Trump. He's likely seething over the fact that his good friend Tom Brady turned the gig down. Of course, that might not be the case, as Trump has always had a soft spot for guys who couldn't hack it in the NFL. Plus, Tim Tebow is the Tom Brady of college football ten years ago, so there's a chance Donnie isn't pounding his tiny fists over this conventions D-list lineup.
Below are nine potential outcomes of the GOP decision to tap Tebow as a speaker for their very classy political rally...
9) Clunky speech delivery telegraphs message, is intercepted before it can reach audience.
8) Tebow will lose speaking gig to an undrafted free agent Evangelical fundamentalist from a Division-II school.
7) Democrats counter by asking Johnny Manziel to barf at their convention three days later.
6) Trump has Tebow's Heisman removed from premise, assumes the brown-ish trophy is there as a BLM protester.
5) The Browns somehow lose 20-13.
4) Tim Tebow, a man who has openly never had sex, focuses his 30-minute sermon on sexuality politics and female reproductive rights.
3) Pre-speech prayer interrupted by noise of presumptive Presidential nominee having raucous sex with third wife near hot microphone backstage.
2) Jump-throws talking points over podium to wide open Ted Nugent in end zone.
1) Trump wins Florida by a landslide.
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