Belt-Swinging, Unhinged Sean Hannity Is The Best Part Of This Adrian Peterson Business
Resolved: An unhinged, belt-swinging, darkly nostalgic Sean Hannity is the best Sean Hannity. I would watch Fox News exclusively if they would provide theater like this every day. But just as in any good comedy show, it's a little sobering when you realize that some people are taking it seriously.
Look, we all know that Fox News panders to its demographic like no other cable network -- it's why they stay on the air and make shipping containers of cash. And no one does that better than Hannity, who is a creature devoid of actual human emotion or rational thought, therefore making it easy for him to spout whatever archly conservative narrative happens to be trending at that particular hour.
Wednesday's panel discussion on Adrian Peterson and child abuse was right in his wheelhouse. It provided not only the opportunity for Hannity to throw red meat to The Great Santini portion of his audience, but also to take a weird, unsettling trip down memory lane, as Sean recalled fondly how his dad used to abuse him in varying, creative ways. Let's begin with this clip:
Don't worry folks, Sean is only warming up. We then had this exchange:
"Did your your dad stick leaves in your mouth like Adrian Peterson did?"
HANNITY: "My dad punched me in the face once for talking back and I deserved it!"
This explains so much.
Then, this glorious thing happened. I cannot fully express my joy with this clip, so let's just watch:
"You just want to take your belt off and hit me with it." Whoa. Now it's getting kinky.
It all reminds me of the Monty Python sketch "Four Yorkshiremen", in which affluent friends sit around recalling their difficult childhoods, each trying to top the other with the levels of grief and hardship they endured.
"... and when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt."
There is no more perfect image of what Fox News is all about than Sean Hannity thrashing his desk with his belt, railing about permissive parenting and how he was beaten when he was younger and look, HE turned out OK. But you didn't turn out OK, Sean. You're missing a conscience, and quite possibly a soul. They may have been beaten out of you, but I rather suspect that you never had them to begin with.
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