BREAKING: A Dog Has Never Licked Stephen A. Smith’s Face
"First Take" is known for being a particularly emotional program. Of course, it's more "screaming with unnecessary anger" emotion, and not the more compelling "genuinely reflecting on personal tragedy" kind. Today, everything changed. Skip Bayless let us into his heart, where an old, tattered dog bed lay untouched in the furthest reaches of his being.
"Back to your earlier point you made about how irrational dog lovers can be," Skip told Stephen A. Smith during a discussion on the backlash to Pittsburgh's signing of Michael Vick. "As you point out, I am one."
(We believe he meant "dog owner," not "actual dog.")
"To give a quick background, it has taken me several years to get over the loss of my last dog, an Australian Shepherd-Blue Heeler mix, Dusty, who died of old age at 17. It took me a long, long time to get over missing her to the point that now I'm ready to get another dog."
"Yes, I let Dusty lick me in the face and some non-dog lovers can't comprehend that," he added for some reason.
Apparently this idea struck a nerve with Stephen A., who made it a point to make the point that he has never -- nor would he ever -- let a dog lick that muppet-looking mug of his. Some things are just too precious, even for the sincerest affection from a unconditional companion. For S.A.S., the part above his neck is a no-go for non-humans.
Whatever you do, dogs, do NOT lick his face.
"I'm an animal liker, not an animal lover," he said very seriously, which was creepy because "animal liker" makes it sound like he's into some odd variation of the traditional human-pet relationship. "No dog has licked me on my face and it will never happen."
God, if a dog licks Stephen A. Smith on his face, please let there be cameras around to capture his reaction. Thank you so much.
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