There is no way I could possible enhance the story Rob Gronkowski told Conan O'Brien Tuesday night, so I'm just going to give you his exact words and hope you don't do a spit-take and ruin whatever device you're reading this on.
"I was a security guard," Gronk began. "A full suit on, tie, I went there like this, 'You're too close, get your hands off of him. I was security and every lady was giving me shots, making me drink their beers, so I was participating. I was getting wasted on the side. My friend, he didn't drink in college so he was always the driver, too. So it worked out perfect. Then there was, like, 35 women around in a circle. Next thing you know, I was feeling good. They started cheering for me, cheering for me. I'm like, 'I'm good.' Next thing you know, they kept cheering so I kept feeling it more, you know, i'm taking off my tie, unbuttoning my shirt, taking my pants off. I'm in my boxers and giving these lap dances out to these ladies and they're all from ages 25 to 45 and it was hilarious, and next thing you know, I got one [dollar bill] thrown at me and everything. I made like $25."
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