Browns Head Coaching Gig Pops Up On Craigslist
Because Craigslist is a great place to find someone who will screw you, so it makes sense Cleveland Browns might be looking for their next head coach on there, right?
This cheeky little wanted ad popped up on a Cleveland-area Craigslist jobs vertical, presumably posted by a disgruntled fan, though we can't say for certain because the Browns have had EIGHT DIFFERENT COACHES SINCE THE 1990s ENDED AND CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. Eight coaches in 15 years -- and only one of those guys has managed to wind up in the playoffs (Butch Davis, 2002). The franchise is 85-240 over that span. We hate to bemoan the sad truth that we're all very aware of at this point, but it bares mentioning because holy shit the Browns really have been the worst team in sports since the internet was invented. With their track record of managerial ineptitude and consequent turnover, they actually might be better off picking a coach from temp agency...or a sex/used furniture messageboard like Craigslist.
The job description:
The job you are applying for is head coach of the Cleveland Browns... yeah I know, not the most flattering job opening in America but someone has to do it.
The Cleveland Browns are an organization who take real pride in what we do on and off the field. Just look at our ever growing QB jersey. Sure we may not have had the best quarterbacks in the NFL but we have the best quarterback jersey in the NFL. Our great owner Jimmy Haslem actually owns a robe that features every single name on the jersey on the back of the robe so he can always remind himself of the complete shit show he owns.
Our organization features great talents like Johnny Manziel, Johnny Football and Billy Manziel. We had the great Jim Brown at running back many years ago. Also don't forget that one year with Josh Gordon.
If you're still reading this post and haven't closed this tab after coming across 'Cleveland Browns' then you're exactly who we're looking for.
Please email us:
1.)Your coaching resume + 3 recommendations
2.)Why you should become the coach of the Browns
3.)Five things you'd change about the team (coaches, players, etc..)
4.)What type of offense/defense you think will work best with our personnel
5.)Your favorite alcoholic beverage and location to party
6.)What type of offense/defense you use in Madden
7.)Why do you even want this job
8.)Anything else you think we should know
Thanks for showing interest in this position and we look forward to reading your applications.
You can submit your applications, here, and while you wait for a response, have a look at this 2016 Cleveland Bowns season ticket promo, below...
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