If You’re Not A Fan Of Tim Tebow, Perhaps This Ham-fisted Love Column By Chuck Norris Will Change Your Tune

  • Eric Goldschein

If you’re like no one, the only reason you don’t think Tim Tebow is a good NFL quarterback is because Chuck Norris hasn’t come out in his defense yet. Luckily for you, Chuck Norris took a break from being a pseudo-sensation seven years ago to pen a column on why everyone in the NFL is wrong about Tebow, and how the Jaguars need to give him a chance.

The column appeared in NewsBusters, a fittingly conservative outlet. As you might expect, it’s a bit misguided and tends to gloss over many of the important elements of the Tebow narrative in favor of phrases like “Tim Tebow is a winner — plain and simple!” (Spoiler alert: that’s the last line of the article.)

Norris believes that the Jaguars would be a great fit for Tebow. Why? Certainly not because that’s the team that other people have suggested in the past, because Chuck Norris doesn’t repeat what other people say — something something something Chuck Norris joke. It’s because:

To put it simply, it’s because Tim could help turn that mediocre team into a championship one. Tebow works miracles on the field, and his inclusion would embolden the spirit of the Jaguars’ players and fans.

This is the crux of many an argument made by Tebow supporters — that Tebow can turn any team around — and it simply does not make sense. Football, more than any other American sport, is a team game. That’s why players get cut or re-signed to lesser deals way more often than they get traded — NFL teams know that the team concept outweighs any individual. The quarterback may be the team’s most important player, but as we saw in the playoffs last year, anybody can derail a season. The idea that Tebow, or any one player, makes a team is ridiculous.

Not that Chuck Norris doesn’t try to outline why Tebow is so special and perhaps the exception to this rule:

What sportsman ever could forget how that amazing second-year QB came back from a 15-0 disadvantage to the Miami Dolphins to lead the Broncos to an 18-15 overtime victory and then led Denver to six wins in its next seven games and into the playoffs…

[Reminder: The teams that Tebow beat included the Raiders (2011 season record of 8-8), the Chiefs (7-9), the Jets (8-8), the Bears (8-8), the Vikings (3-13) and those Dolphins (6-10). So, nobody over .500.]

I’ve heard the critics say Tebow has poor technical skills, but the truth is that Tim is a natural leader —

[No, no — let’s go back to that part about the poor technical skills.]

— an amazingly gifted football player, an inspiration to his team and the possessor of intense determination and strategy to bring any team to victory — no matter what the odds.

[Ok… how about those technical skills though?]

I have been an athlete all my life, being a six-time undefeated world middleweight champion in the martial arts, and I know a winner when I see one.

[Well, if a dude who beats the shit out of people believes that Tim Tebow can suddenly throw a spiral, then I guess we’ll have to believe it. Shad Khan, what are you waiting for? Some sort of quote from Martin Luther King Jr.?]

So let me respectfully challenge Khan to consider these words from Dr. King:”There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe nor politic nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”

Perfect. Perfect article. Perfect argument. Perfect everything.


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