Coach Mike Francesa Explains How He Wudda Done It If He Was Da Giants Coach
There's a remarkable quality that nearly all successful sports talk radio personalities have. They're under the assumption that, despite being a lay person when it comes to the intricacies of the very nuanced sports they're talking about, they would've done a better job had they been in there calling the shots.
Not playing, of course -- most sports talk radio people are useless lumps of doughy flesh wrapped around a human skeleton -- but as coaches, these people think they'd actually be able to hack it in those pressure-packed moments. They consider themselves leaders of the highest order.
Case in point: Mike Francesa pretty much replayed the New York Giants epic collapse at the end of Sunday night's game in Dallas. We counted -- he started over 40 sentences with the pronoun "I" in the span of five minutes. He even cited his own "philosophy," as if that's something NFL strategy quants look to in their dissertations on situational playcalling.
FOOTBALL SCIENTIST: "Hey, Kevin, pull up the Francesa file and find his thoughts on late-game two-point conversions..."
ASSISTANT: "You mean the one we keep locked away in the vault?"
FOOTBALL SCIENTIST: "Yes Kevin, it is time we counseled the greatest mind in sports."
[Lifts giant, dusty leather-bound book onto lab table]
FOOTBALL SCIENTIST: "There she is, Kevin. The holy grail of X's and O's."
No one's saying Mike -- or anyone for that matter -- would've done a better job managing the clock in the waning moments of the Giants' loss to the Cowboys, but it's how this guy cross-references every call with his own infinite football wisdom that makes us laugh.
Take it all in, folks. The Tom Brady of Monday morning quarterbacks...
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