Colorado’s Governor Officially Renames The State’s Tallest Mountain Peaks To The Names Of Broncos Players

  • Jake O'Donnell

Super Bowls are a lot like mountains: Huge, unavoidable, and for some reason, people actually go to them. Especially for politicians, who often look to capitalize on one of the few moments their state is united behind a common cause. Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper realizes that he’s obligated to make some bet with the Governor of Washington, dye his hair orange, or declare Peyton Manning a State Park or something, and he’s done that.

Literally. The entire 53-man Broncos’ roster are now mountain peaks in Colorado’s famous 14ers. The best part is the official explains as to why a particular player and a particular mountain peak are associated. Here’s the official decree, and below that is a slideshow detailing some of the higher profile players who have now become mountain Gods.

WHEREAS, the State of Colorado is confident that the Denver Broncos will beat the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII; and

WHEREAS, the Denver Broncos gave Coloradans a lot to be proud of this season, including becoming the first team in NFL history to score more than 600 points in a single season and winning the AFC Championship; and

WHEREAS, Seattle makes some, well, OK beer; and

WHEREAS, the Seahawks have a 12th man, whatever, while the Denver Broncos have the greatest fans — men, women and children — in pro sports; and

WHEREAS, we are proud of the majestic mountains in Colorado, which is home to 53 14ers – the same number of players on the Denver Broncos’ active roster; and

WHEREAS, Peyton Manning bears a symbolic resemblance to Mount Elbert, the tallest 14er in Colorado, because he stands tall as an extraordinary leader of the Broncos; and

WHEREAS, Matt Prater kicks the football long – an NFL record 64 yards long – and could be compared to Longs Peak; and

WHEREAS, the Broncos offensive line stands together, like our Collegiate Peaks, rooted into the earth and preventing anyone from getting to Peyton Manning; and

WHEREAS, there are many other connections between other 14ers and players as referenced below;

Therefore, I, John W. Hickenlooper, Governor of the State of Colorado, do hereby hurry up and proclaim Sunday, February 2, 2014


Photos via Wikipedia