Defending ‘MURICA: German YouTube Sensation Doesn’t Care For The NFL, We Don’t Care For Him

  • Matt Rudnitsky

A German YouTube user/musician/HATER residing in California has posted a video attacking our beloved FOOTBALL. Yes, our football, not the one that involves aspiring Tinker Bells flopping around in Europe and other so-called “continents.” He’s talking about the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. The NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE with the TOUCHDOWNS and FANTASY and GAMBLING and BUDWEISER and TEBOW and DIABETIC SHEEP and AMERICA.

The man is obviously not aware of the preamble to the CONSTITUTION OF ‘MURICA, which states:

We the People of the United States, in Order to form FOOTBALL, establish FOOTBALL, insure domestic FOOTBALL, NOT THAT EUROPEAN SISSY SHIT, provide for ‘MURICA, promote the general Welfare, and secure the SANCTITY OF ROGER GOODELL’S BANK ACCOUNT to ourselves and football fans everywhere, do ordain and establish this Consitution for the United States of America, and FOOTBALL.

Next time you criticize the NFL, Mr. BRATWURST-FACE, at least give constructive criticism. You really think we should call it, “Carry Ball,” or “Carry, Throw Ball And Sometimes Foot-Kick Ball?” Why don’t we call it, “Sport Where Players Aren’t Awarded Free Goals For Tripping On Nitrogen Or Perhaps Oxygen?” Why don’t we call your video, “Man With Funny Accent Makes Dumb Suggestions?” Why don’t we violate OUR FOUNDING FATHERS and THE CONSTITUTION?!?!?

Get learned ’bout American history, man.

NOTE: I am an enormous fan of soccer, German accents and Europe. I also know this was a joke. But you don’t joke about the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.

‘Til next time, ‘MURICA! And, TEBOOOOOOOWWWWW!