From No Good To Very Bad: The Worst Of Week 7 In The NFL
Week 7 was rough. It was definitely the worst week of football we will have all season, which is great now that it is behind us and we can all laugh about it; but it sucked while it was happening.
In what was a decidedly brutal and probably intentional decision the NFL opted to assign three of the NFL's best and/or most exciting teams to a bye week in Week 7; forcing NFL nation to cling to some slim pickings on Sunday.
With the Packers, Bengals, Broncos and Bears all on their week long hiatus, the NFL kicked off on Sunday with a Buffalo Bills vs. Jacksonville Jaguars 9:30am suckfest in London that wasn't even television. The game was available only through Yahoo live stream, where the audience diminished significantly from the previous NFL TV broadcast in London , and nearly a third of the people that watched it weren't even in the USA.
Solid start to the day.
Plus, that game came on the heels of a hardly notable, barely tolerable 20-3 win by the thoroughly disappointing Seahawks over the pathetic 49ers on Thursday night. It was like watching two shitty 7-6 college teams play halfheartedly in the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl.
So let's move further into Sunday to the 1pm games, where we were all treated to these match ups:
- Rams 24, Browns 6
- Vikings 28, Lions 19
- Dolphins 44, Texans 26
- Side note: How friggen bad does a team have to be to allow 44 points to the Dolphins? And how on god's green earth is it even possible to waste the kind of talent that the Texans have on their defense the way that Bill O'Brien has? It doesn't seem possible, and yet Ryan Effing Tannehill threw for four touchdowns and zero interceptions. Gross. Continuing on...
- Saints 27, Colts 21
- If you are doing the math in your head right about now you should be realizing that even with this loss that puts them at 3-4, the Colts are still in first place in the AFC South. Fantastic. Also, two of their three wins came while Matt Hasselbeck was their starting QB.
- Chiefs 23, Steelers 13
- Redskins 31, Buccaneers 30
- Judging by the score you might think that maybe there's a possibility that this game was good, but you'd be wrong about that because this game featured the Bucs blowing a 24-7 halftime lead to THE GODDAMNED REDSKINS. There's no way to sell that as good football, I don't care how oddly high Jameis Winston and Kirk Cousins' passer ratings were.
- Titans 10, Falcons 7
- This game between two professional NFL teams featured two entirely scoreless quarters.
- Raiders 37, Chargers 29
And finally amidst the slew of nearly un-watchable games was the most palatable match up of the afternoon; the Jets at the Patriots. The Jets are notoriously unafraid of playing in New England, despite the fact that the Patriots are now 47-4 in their last 51 regular season home games; a stretch that dates back to the start of the 2009 season.
Knowing that they would be without breakout star running back Dion Lewis, the Patriots boldly employed an offensive attack that relied solely and completely on Tom Brady.
That's no exaggeration. Brady passed 54 times, completing 34 passes for 355 yards and two touchdowns; and for the first time in his career he was also the team's leading rusher with 4 carries for 15 yards and one TD. The Jets defense was relentless for three quarters, pressuring Brady's receivers and leading to a multitude of dropped passes in key situations. In the final quarter though, he went 14 of 17 for 150 yards and two touchdowns, securing a two score lead that the Jets would fail to close after a costly illegal procedure penalty ran the clock out to finalize the Patriots 30-23 victory.
So if you've been waiting to see the Patriots knocked off their 2015 high horse then Sunday wasn't your day; but as I have detailed, there was plenty of terrible, awful, no good, very bad football to be found elsewhere. Here's a few people that you can totally make fun of this week.
Worst Week 6 Completion Percentage
Blake Bortles (JAX): 44.8%
Lowest Passer Rating
Sam Bradford (PHI): 58.7
Most Sack Yards Lost
Matthew Stafford (DET): 59 yards
Fewest Rushing Yards (Min. 10 attempts)
Khiry Robinson (NO): 28 yards on 14 attempts (2.0 yards per carry)
Fewest Receiving Yards (Min. 10 targets)
Darren Sproles (PHI): 5 receptions for 31 yards on 10 targets
Fewest Total First Downs
San Francisco 49ers: 8 first downs
Bills/Browns/Cowboys: 4 turnovers each
Most Penalty Yards
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 142 penalty yards
Lowest Time of Possession
Indianapolis Colts: 21 minutes, 37 seconds
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