Jared ‘The Pillsbury Throwboy’ Lorenzen Is Fake Lobbying To Be The Next Cardinals’ QB
Eric Goldschein 02:52 pm, December 12th, 2014
The Cardinals are 11-3, but they're screwed. Despite the NFL's best record and a shot at the number one seed, they're now down to their third-string quarterback after Drew Stanton went down with a knee injury last night. Stanton is considered week-to-week, so in the meantime Ryan Lindley is the team's quarterback. He's not very good. And when Drew Stanton comes back... he'll still be Drew Stanton.
Sensing an opportunity to revive his NFL career, Jared Lorenzen -- once dubbed "The Pillsbury Throwboy" for being, ya know, fat -- has been tweeting at the Cardinals that he's prepared to take over the team if given the opportunity. I mean, he's trolling, but it's still great:
Hey @AZCardinals I can be ready to leave in the morning. Fair warning it may take a week or 2 to get back to playing weight. #justplaying
Indeed, Lorenzen does have a Super Bowl ring from his time with the Giants. That's more than anyone else on the Cardinals QB depth chart -- including Carson Palmer -- can say.
Last time we checked in with Lorenzen, he was selling office technology equipment after breaking his leg in the Continental Indoor Football League (this write-up has one of the greatest ledes of all time, by the way: "Jared Lorenzen and I are in love with the same woman. Her name is Little Debbie, and she makes delicious snack cakes.") His playing days are long over, but it says something that even this joke campaign can gather enough steam to make the news. Lindley can't be that bad, right?
We'll always have this, Jared:
Photo via Getty
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