Judging By The Insane Promotional Video, Rob Gronkowski’s Three-Day Party Cruise Looks Like…
...Hulk Hogan farted into a Bud Light Lime.
...the premise for an MDMA-themed reboot of "Gilligan's Island."
...a mash-up of American Gladiators and those bang bus porns.
...Rob Gronkowski's attempt at literally jumping a shark.
...pretty much every spring break cliché you've ever imagined rolled up into a menthol cigarette and smoked out of a zebra-stripped bong.
...an exciting place to get hepatitis.
...the Porsche Boxster of timeshares.
...your daughter's wet t-shirt contest Waterloo.
...someone spilled the ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on a Norwegian Cruise ship, then filled it with people named "Trey."
...a good chance to show off your pecs.
...the plot to Waterworld if it was written by David Guetta.
...a "Ballers" cosplay convention.
...what happens when you mix creatine with Malibu and Gatorade.
...the beginning of the end of this man's run of good fortune.
Ok, we're done with the jokes.
The party excursion -- which benefits something, we're not quite sure -- lasts from February 19-22, in the year of our Lord, 2016. Here's how Gronk's party planners describe it...
[GronksPartyShip.com] It’s time to PARTY, it’s time to ROCK, but more importantly, it's time to get GRONK’D! Rob Gronkowski and his family want you to grab your sunnies, your swimsuits, your babes and your bros for one hell of a shindig sailing down the coast. It’s time to go big or go home 'cause we’re throwing the 3-day party you’ve always dreamed of.
This floating festival hosted by Rob Gronkowski and his family will feature epic sounds from Waka Flocka Flame, 3LAU, and more to come, PLUS a ton of activities that will bring you back to those days of partying hard, spring break style. You can also look forward to a photo with Rob Gronkowski and your cabinmates, as well as a Q&A session with the entire Gronkowski crew!
We’ll sail aboard Norwegian Pearl February 19-22, 2016 from Miami to Gronk's Island - our own private island in the Bahamas - for one hell of a beach party! Norwegian Pearl is decked out with multiple stages, 13 bars & lounges, a massive spa, pool, hot tubs, fitness center, bowling alley, and 24-hour room service! If this doesn’t sound Gronk’d enough for you, then you’re not ready to party with the big dogs.
Sold? No? Ok, watch El Gronko's rather descriptive promo, complete with wah wah wah wah noises, boobs and 145 BPM fist-pumping baselines, below.
Be the first to know
Want FREE Fantasy and Gaming Advice and Savings Delivered to your Inbox? Sign up for our Newsletter.