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Levi's Stadium Ready To Open, Impress Us With Its Technology And Amusing Section Themes

  • Rick Chandler

Aug. 2 is just around the corner, and that means that Levi’s Stadium, new home to the San Francisco 49ers, will be open for business. But the 49ers themselves are not invited to opening day. That game will consist of soccer.

And there are many rules you must follow if you plan on attending (example: no lizards!).

But most of all, please note that Levi’s Stadium will be a wonder of the technological age. Solar panels power the entire thing. Instant replays on your phone. Flying robot beer vendors (not really on that last one, but wouldn’t it be great?).

Also, this:

I love that last note:

“Each of the nine sections will have a different Bay Area theme. One will emphasize wine like Napa Valley; another has frosted glass to create a pattern reminiscent of San Francisco’s famed fog.”

But what of the other seven sections? We took a shot at guessing those themes as well:

The Griclock Section will represent the Bay Area’s infamous traffic issues, with a fenced-off road rage area where those who have reached their tipping points will be allowed to fight, Thunderdome style.

The Peninsula Section will of course include the highest-priced seats in the stadium, and in the NFL as a whole.

The only fans allowed in the Palo Alto Section will be glassy-eyed, pretentious 22-year-olds who have created their own web companies, or who attend Stanford. And the only refreshments sold there will be Ramen noodles and Mac & Cheese.

Although conditions in the Palo Alto Section kind of suck, fans in the Redwood City Section will spend most of the game looking envious, secretly wishing they could be there.

All ushers in The San Mateo Section will either have odd, Gisele-designed hairstyles like Tom Brady, or be completely bald like Barry Bonds.

No one will be able to find the Milpitas Section, even with GPS.

Another section will be a tribute to all of the South Peninsula’s many grubby strip malls.

The ribbon-cutting ceremony is Thursday.

As for the real technology, check out this slideshow: