Today In Hypocrisy: Ndamukong Suh’s NFL-Approved Nuts Kick On Matt Schaub Will Cost Him $30,000 Anyway

  • Dylan Murphy

We found out yesterday that Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh would not be suspended for kicking Matt Schaub in the groin, which by the way is a wildly inaccurate synonym for someone’s nuts. Given Suh’s history stomping people and such, no one would have been surprised had he been suspended.

We thought it would end there, an unpenalized and accidental swing of the foot and wallets remaining untouched. But no, the NFL couldn’t just let it go – they decided to fine Suh $30,000 because mercy is for weakhearted barbarians.

Please, read this brief quote from ESPN and try, just try, to wrap your head around what’s being said.

“The NFL fined the Detroit Lions defensive tackle $30,000 for unnecessary roughness because he kicked the Houston Texans quarterback, but the league didn’t suspend him because it couldn’t reach a judgment on his intent.”

Let’s break it down, piece by piece. First the NFL (note: Roger Goodell) did not suspend Ndamukong Suh because it decided that Ndamukong Suh probably didn’t intentionally kick Matt Schaub in the balls. But his unintentional balls-kick was excessively rough because balls, even though it was completely unintentional. So a fine was levied against Ndamukong Suh for an NFL-deemed probably unintentional shot to Matt Schaub’s balls. Which, ultimately, boils down to this: The NFL has no problem fining you for hits it personally deems legal. Or, more succinctly, you can’t make contact with another man’s balls on the playing field, intentionally or not. ROGER GOODELL WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS.