Roger Goodell Has To Call The New York Attorney General About That ‘Do You Like Girls?’ Combine Question

  • Matt Rudnitsky

Hey guys, Roger Goodell is in trouble… point and laugh! The whole “NFL team subtly asks prospect if he’s gay by asking if he likes girls or something like that” is not only upsetting, it’s probably illegal. Regardless of your opinion on the matter, Roger Goodell’s power is being threatened. When Roger Goodell is inconvenienced, the nation rejoices. Stop caring so darn much about player safety for like, one second, and give the New York Attorney General a call, Roger. I know you are probably busy designing a concussion-proof body suit that will allow perfect safety while preserving the integrity of the game of football that you protect so beautifully, but he really needs to speak to you.

New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman urged the NFL on Tuesday to investigate whether possible draft picks were improperly asked about their sexual orientation during the league’s combine, which he said would be illegal in New York.

“We ask that the league immediately issue a statement that any form of discrimination or harassment on the basis of sexual orientation by league teams or players against potential recruits or players constitutes a violation of state, local and, in some cases, contractor law and will not be tolerated,” Schneiderman said in a letter dated Thursday and released to news organizations.

Schneiderman asked NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to call him by next Wednesday to schedule a meeting on the matter.

I can’t imagine Mr. Goodell is too happy. The phone call will probably be uncomfortable.

Attorney General: Hello, Mr. Goodell?
Goodell: That’s FOOTBALL FÜHRER Goodell to you! Who is this?
AG: This is the New York Attorney General. I’d like to schedule a meeting about potential discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
Goodell: What are you insinuating? I’m married! I work out. Do you even lift?
AG: Calm down, Mr. Goodell. I just want to schedule a meeting regarding the questions asked by some NFL teams at this year’s scouting combine. This isn’t personal.
Goodell: Did you just lead with your helmet? I’m fining you. Lackey, bring me my suspendin’ suspenders! Your SUPREME RULER is FIRED UP!
AG: Come to my office on Monday at 5.
Goodell: Come to my palace on Tuesday at Noon. Bring your checkbook.
AG: I’ll see you on Monday.

The question will probably just go away, forcing teams to think of other ways of guessing a player’s sexuality. Like, what do you think of when you see this football? Why are you a wide receiver, anyway? You wouldn’t like to try your hand at quarterback? Sorry, we’re probably going to pass.


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