NFL Network Roundtable Has Literally Nothing To Say

  • David Young

The NFL 2014 is underway tonight (screw you, World Cup!), with the Packers visiting the Super Bowl Champion Seahawks (yeah, that was as weird to type as it is to say). We’ve been deprived of grown men running into each other at full speed for about seven months, so as Pharrell Williams sang outside the stadium, we’re “Happy!” But until kickoff, we’ll watch every form of pre-game analysis they throw at us. And the NFL Network knows that. So they put Marshall Faulk, Kurt Warner, Warren Sapp and Michael Irvin in the same room and had them discuss, well, not much of anything.

Face it, we’ve seen every permutation of analysis for the coming season. Injuries, suspensions, drafts, trades, position battles, coaching changes, racist team names… everything has been covered. So 90 minutes before kickoff, we really just want to see the damn game. But the NFL Network’s Mt. Talkmore needed to discuss something, so they fell back on “Can the Seahawks repeat?” a question asked and answered on every website and on every sports network. By this point, unless you live in Seattle, you don’t care. And neither did the Blabtastic Four.

Kurt Warner basically said that the Seahawks would repeat. Unless they didn’t.

Warren Sapp, like Lt. Dan, he was just mad.

Michael Irvin took a page out of Rick Perry’s playbook and put on a pair of glasses to look smart and thoughtful (it’s a Texas thing, right?).

And Marshal Faulk, perhaps the only one on the panel who had valid, well thought out points, looked like he wanted to choke out everyone else in the room.

At least after the meeting of the minds was over, the show did get to valid, hard-hitting analysis, namely, how the Madden Football simulation of tonight’s game went. GB 17, SEA 13. Congrats on the win, Pack.

Unless you didn’t.

Photo via Getty

David Young has been a columnist for Sports Illustrated and ESPN and is now one for Follow him on Twitter @turkeysflying.