What The Hell Happened Last Night: The Niners Crushed The Bears In The Battle Of The Backups

  • Glenn Davis

Boy, Colin Kaepernick can play, huh? How about that performance last night?! …Oh, that’s right, you didn’t watch it, because you had something soooooo much better to do. Well, as you know, it’s okay, because in this post, we’ll be going over what you missed last night, starting with that breakout performance from the 49ers’ backup quarterback. Before you go another sad, uninformed minute, let’s get to it.

Boy, Colin Kaepernick can play, huh?

Not to risk reading too much into one game, but Colin Kaepernick is the best quarterback in football history. Fine, fine, we kid, but he was outrageously good in leading the 49ers to a surprising 32-7 romp over the Bears on monday Night Football. The Bears were coming off a loss, and the Niners were coming off a tie to the Rams that probably felt like a loss. Thee, one figured, would be two angry teams with two excellent defenses taking turns feasting on the backup quarterbacks who were forced into action for both teams.

Well, turned out that was only true one way, because Kaepernick shredded the vaunted Bears D to the tune of 16-for-23 passing, 243 yards, two touchdowns, and no picks. Kaepernick’s renowned as a runner, but he didn’t even use his legs that much (four rushes for 12 yards). He beat the Bears through the air, and solidified the Niners as a dangerous team no matter who’s under center. And who will be under center going forward? As Jim Harbaugh himself said last night, “We’ll see.” Hmmmmmmmm.

As for the Niners’ defense: well it probably wouldn’t have mattered who was quarterbacking the Bears either, because the Bears absolutely could not block Aldon Smith, who piled up 5.5 sacks to take over the NFL lead in that category. Jason Campbell completed 14 of 22 passes, but only had 107 yards to show for it, and threw two interceptions. Oh, and the “sacked six times” thing. It’s likely the only thing we missed out on by Jay Cutler not playing was seeing how much he would have yelled at left tackle J’Marcus Webb (who was completely overwhelmed by Smith on multiple occasions) this time.

In the Association…

The Clippers are still on fire: they beat the Spurs in San Antonio last night, 92-87. The Grizzlies’ hot streak came to an end, as they dropped one to the Nuggets, 97-92. Danilo Gallinari had 26. Kenneth Faried had 13 and 13, and JaVale McGee had 15 and 8 off the bench. The Nuggets really can throw a lot at you. Elsewhere, the Bobcats moved back above .500, prevailing 102-98 over the Bucks with a late rally, and the Wizards remained winless, dropping to 0-9 with a 96-89 los to the Pacers. Bobcats coach Mike Dunlap deserves major kudos for the work he’s done with that group so far. Wizards coach Randy Wittman does not deserve major kudos for the work he’s done with that group so far.

College basketball upset watch:

Couple Top 25 teams fell last night: No. 11 UCLA fell to Georgetown 78-70 (honestly, not a shocking result), and No. 21 UConn dropped one to New Mexico 66-60. Given UConn struggled mightily to beat Quinnipiac the night before, that one wasn’t terribly shocking, either. The biggest upset, though: Division II Chaminade topping Texas, 86-73. 30 years ago, Chaminade beat then-No. 1 Virginia in the biggest upset college basketball had ever seen. Now, like an underdog comet, the tiny school has zoomed back into our lives.

Thanksgiving is close.

…But not here yet. Get to work.

Photos via Getty