O.J. Simpson Caught Pilfering Cookies From Prison Cafeteria, Says Report

  • Rick Chandler

(Alarm sounds) “Cookies!” (Guards aim their guns, all inmates drop to ground).

A sad, bloated O.J. Simpson was caught stealing cookies from the cafeteria of the Nevada prison in which he’s currently serving a 33-year sentence, according to the National Enquirer, and why would they lie about cookies? He was let off with a warning.

But not before this:

According to a source, guards noticed the 66-year-old hiding something under his prison clothes as he walked back to his cell after lunch. When they quizzed him, he revealed a stash of more than a dozen oatmeal cookies, which were then seized as other inmates laughed.

“O.J. just stood there with a goofy grin on his face as the guard kept digging inside his shirt and throwing the cookies on the floor,” the source told The National Enquirer.

Simpson, says the NE, has diabetes, and eating sweets “is the only pleasure he has left.”

Personally if I’m going down for dessert theft, it’s not going to be for oatmeal cookies, which are the Nickelback of cookies. Chocolate macadamia, or maybe M&M. Get busy eatin’, or get busy dyin’.