OPINION: Rex Ryan Has Coached The Entire 2014 Season With His Penis Out, Literally
With the New York Jets mathematically eliminated from the playoffs and rumors swirling that owner Woody Johnson could clean house at season's end, questions loom for the 51-year-old defensive guru. Will he wind up somewhere as a D-coordinator? Will he get another crack at a head coaching position? Will he return to the college ranks? Or will the fact that Rex Ryan has coached 11 games this season with his penis hanging out of the front of his khakis affect his employability?
Sure, his brash personality and outspoken nature can be a magnet for controversy, but surely he still has a future in the league. Can he convince another GM that he's learned from his many mistakes in New York? Or will the fact that Rex Ryan has been standing on the sideline of all 11 regular season Jets games with his (usually) flaccid phallus in plain view be a "red flag" for teams looking for a new skipper? Could he even stick around in New York? Will the Jets draft a quarterback this year or will GM John Idzik give Geno Smith one more year to prove himself?
All good questions. But first, let's address the elephant in the room: Rex Ryan's pretty normal-looking penis that hasn't seen the inside of his pants in over three months. At least on TV, that is.
Either way, the writing appears to be on the wall: Rex Ryan will need to find work at the culmination of his fifth year managing Gang Green. Despite taking the Jets to the AFC Championship in his first two seasons, Ryan's tenure has been defined by the team's general lack of direction, poor/confusing play calling, and the unspoken reality that he has walked up and down the field since September without so much as bothering to hide his testicles behind a clipboard or a towel or whatever.
Even when it's raining.
It really is a hard-sell to argue that he should stay. The Jets have not made the playoffs since 2011, and have gone a disappointing 44-47 since Ryan replaced Eric Mangini in 2009. After being blown out this Monday night by the Buffalo Bills, the Jets' record currently sits at 2-9, which is second worst in the league. Ryan's penis was also out during that game, though the media's takeaway seemed to be that they "just gave up."
Why hasn't more been made of the fact that a 51-year-old man is casually flashing millions of people on network television on a weekly basis? Could it be that no one cares? Or is it simply because the Jets are so bad no one has even cared to comment, as Rex's salmon-colored knob has taken a backseat to the team's inability to stop opposing quarterbacks, running backs and pass rushers?
If this report by the New York Post has any truth to it, we could very well be seeing more of Rex next season, as he's rumored to have his eyes on a TV job. Will he be laughing it up with Tony Dungy as a member of NBC's Sunday Night Football panel? Might Rex have his own X's and O's segment on ABC's MNF pre-game, similar to Jon Gruden's quarterback camp? Will anyone speak up if he continues to expose himself as an on-air personality? Will he put makeup on it?
Only time will tell, though we're sure if you asked Rex he'd tell you that he's only focused on the Miami Dolphins in Week 13. Then you'd look down and notice he has poked his penis through the button fly of his relaxed fit coaching slacks. That's just Rex -- he holds nothing back.
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