Pat Mayo’s Week 9 Fantasy Football Flex Rankings: Mid Season Award Spooktacular!


Unlike other award shows where other awards shows win awards, summoning feelings of having potentially crossed into the malevolent FOURTH DIMENSION – to which the only The Rock is aware. These prestigious honors highlight the superlative and substandard from the season’s first half, and are only fractionally self congratulatory.

The #FANTASYSTIFF Award: Doug Martin

Lets see: First round pick, maybe as high as second overall, who was posting lackluster numbers before suffering a torn labrum, ending his season. But wait, it wasn’t really season ending. Martin’s now only expected to miss 2-8 weeks. What a helpful timeframe Tampa Bay, THANKS! So now, you’re lacking your RB1, and are forced into watching him waste away on your bench. No one wants to drop him only to see him magically reappear in an opponent’s lineup against you in a month, the window is so vague dropping him isn’t really an option. And his occupied roster spot is preventing you from pillaging the waiver wire for reinforcements. Martin is rage inducing. Please Tampa, just put him on IR so we can be done with torment.

Best use of FAAB Budget: Knowshon Moreno

Knowshon Moreno the second highest scoring running back this season. Mic drop.

Best INSTARAIDER: Jamize Olawale

Every Raiders game features a reception from a player I was unaware previously existed and – inevitably – they always sport a hilarious name.

Best Second Half Buy-Low: Ray Rice

His value will never be lower than this very instant. Well, unless he lays another stinker against the Browns, then his value plummets deep into an abyss. And even if that happens, I’ll still be hoarding Ray Rice shares. The Ravens get it together in the second half every season, and the bye week finally gave Rice a chance to heal up. We need a healthy Ray Ray down the stretch. Week’s 13-16 he gets a quartet of defensive sieves in Pittsburgh, Minnesota, Detroit and New England: All four rank inside the Top 15 most generous defenses to Fantasy running backs. And the Patriots’ pile of injuries will have them in a more giving mood by Championship week.

Most Weeks Ranked Number 1 in The FLEXPERT “Worst Place” list: Mark Ingram

Cause he’s the worst.

Best Second Half Sell-High: Peyton Manning

Wait and see what happens with the Chiefs first. Denver plays KC seven days from Sunday, then again in another two weeks after that. If the Broncos seize control of the division and can coast into the playoffs, you won’t wantPeyton Manning anywhere near your starting roster in the Fantasy playoffs. He’s already banged up, and the cold weather/unwanted Brock Osweiler sightings combine for some terrible results. Don’t just be givin him away, but you can still extract maximum value in the present, even with Peyton on bye. I’d be targeting the Colin Kaepernickor Robert Griffin III owners in my league – both pivots have softies in Weeks 15 and 16. Demand one of those two and their best player at the position where you need to upgrade the most: Receiver, running back or tight end.

Best New Nickname: Chris Johnson

“CJ-2Kypc” Chris Johnson has scored two of the three flukiest TDs this season, in case you weren’t paying attention. Outside of those, I can’t concretely say he has a rush for positive yards this year.

Best New Football Studio-show talking point of the First 8 Weeks: Heath Evans

The NFL Network’s jovial meathead has become a corner stone of NFLN’s B-team post-game show Sunday nights, after Chris Rose and the Three Amigos head to bed. Who doesn’t enjoy Evans screaming a stubby shriek at players to DO THEIR JOBS? Not a soul. But in the midst of the post-Dez Bryant sideline yell fest, Evans showcased why he’s a legitimate analyst. He look the footage of Dez being restrained by DeMarcus Ware, and froze it at a particular moment in which Ware’s eyes seemed be to trying to escape their sockets. Bulbous, some would say. I can’t find video of the segment or a pic of Ware in the moment, but it looked exactly like this. Now talking over the freeze-frame, Evans goes on to explain how it was clear Bryant was bringing a ruckus to the sidelines based on the “The Crazy Eyes” Ware was giving him. This is why NFL Network is the greatest. Well that, and this.

Person I Hate the Most (after Mark Ingram & Jared Cook): YOU…

If, at any moment, you complained Calvin Johnson’s lost fumble was the reason, “you lost your week” after his 14-catch, 329-yard dismantling of the Cowboys. Get checked for serious mental health problems ASAP. That, or you just have an ultra crummy team. Blame yourself, not Megatron.

Best Fantasy Team Name: Darren Sproles

“4WhomTheBellSproles” – Credit to Ryan Paterson… and Ernest Hemingway, I suppose.

Biggest Surprise: Eddie Lacy

I thought the Packers couldn’t commit to the run game. I was as wrong. Lacy is legit. A Top 10 RB the rest of the season.

Best New Non-Football Show of the First 8 Weeks: Hello Ladies

HBO’s Hello Ladies is a fantastic fusion of two wildly different – and some of my favorite – things:

First, it’s essentially the small-screen adaption of the Beastie Boys 1989 holla at cha jam “Hey Ladies.” Except Brit Stephen Merchant is the main character; hence the more mannerly “Hello”.

Second, it’s the most awkwardly hilarious show to appear on TV in some time. And it’s terrific. May not be for you however. It helps to know what sort of comedy you’re walking into. And if you’re familiar with Merchant’s entire catalogue – like me – you’ll know the stomach it requires to sit through some pretty cringe worthy behavior. You’ll have to harken back to the inception of the original The Office to truly get any sense of the shenanigans that will have you recoiling into the “hands-over-eyes” pose, one generally exclusive to the horror genre.

If Curb Your Enthusiasm makes you squirm, you need to file a restraining order on Hello Ladies post-haste. Stay away. Merchant’s Stuart is like Larry David, but pennyless, far more oblivious and bunglingly taller. I’m pretty sure Merchant is the only person in existence who can challenge the extreme height of George Washington. It’s uses physical humor like The Three Stooges, but instead of some sort of should-be-debilitating injury as a punch line,Hello Ladies uses Merchant’s LANK to produce simply the saddest of results – for all involved.

It works as a nice companion piece to Showtime’s Episodes. Both feature Britons playing Hollywood-transplants as central characters. Both examining the concepts of money, celebrity, self worth and how all three relate to sex. And both are legitimately funny, in similarly different ways. Yes, that’s a thing.

Episodes feels like an Americanized version of a British comedy, whereas Hello Ladies gives the standard American one-cam sitcom a fresh Red Coat. It’s drier than a martini, shaken… with sand.

Like CurbEpisodes deals with the avarice among La-La Land’s elite, drawing its comedy from jealousy, sexual frustration and over-the-top situations at a series of large events: Funerals (no SELFIES AT THOSE FUNERALS, thankfully), galas, movie premiers; big shot stuff. The caveat being, every character is rich and professionally successful, so you don’t hate yourself laughing at their antics. It’s palatable. Not Ladies. It retains the same structure, but the anecdotes are aimed squarely at Stuart, and his pathetic nature’s expense. Since Merchant is constantly the target for every joke, it allows the show to go for the jugular on dark humor, tackling topics as broad as someone texting while you’re talking to them or transfixing your gaze on woman’s ass at the gym to very poignant gags centered around the paranoia of dying alone and leukemia. It tight ropes on a very fine high wire, and pulls it off like Philippe Petit. That’s how it gets away with having a wheelchair confined, DICK PIC texting lothario as Stuart’s chief rival.

If that sounds like something in your wheelhouse, tune in, or save it for lazy Saturday afternoon (screw you college football). No need to watch right now, won’t be too difficult catching up after the fact. If Merchant’s track record with The OfficeExtras and Life’s Too Short act as a blueprint – maximum, we’ll only get two seasons and 20ish episodes.

Ladies will never fall into “will-they-won’t-they” or “character evolves for the better” traps because it’s just not going to last that long. Merchant is going to beat Stuart up so mercilessly – until the final frame, that is – you’ll eventually start slipping into shame spirals while watching. It is the antithesis of palatable. Which makes it a must-watch.

HE’S A MAN, and he’s not even 40: Fred Jackson

Fred Jackson appeared to have suffered a career ending knee injury running out of bounds against the Dolphins. But not only did he refuse the medical cart, he came back on the next drive and scored a touchdown, making Mike Gundy proud.

Brandon Jackson Memorial, worst use of a FAAB budget: Willis McGahee

The guy who was out of football before signing with the Browns is now losing touches to some Muppet namedFozzy Whittaker. SHOCKER!

Most Disappointing Play: Antonio Brown, Southpaw

For the second consecutive year Antonio Brown is your winner. For whatever reason, Pittsburgh can’t help itself but run the lefty on a reverse with nothing but a passing mindset. With frequent regularity too. Last year, Brown was 0/2 with an interception. In 2013, he’s a surprising 1/1. He was sacked on the other attempt, though. There’s no need for this play, ever again. Also, Brown is the player whose value takes the biggest swing switching from standard to PPR scoring. He’s averaging an even 8 receptions a game, while scoring just twice. Standard league, 75 points; PPR, 128.

Fantasy MVP: Jamaal Charles

Jamaal Charles has found pay dirt in every game sans one – last week against the Browns. And even then, he still posted 12 points in standard scoring, 17 in PPR. That is his floor. No other player has provided that type of consistency, especially compared to the guys drafted in the same range way back in August: Ray Rice, Arian Foster, Doug Martin, Trent Richardson, C.J. Spiller. Even Adrian Peterson, Marshawn Lynch and LeSean McCoy are envious of Charles’ stability.


It’s funny, for a song that’s lyrics speak of a subterranean, dystopian future (CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE), “Virtual Insanity” is only remembered for three things: A catchy tune, cool conveyor belt video and Jamiroquai’s fuzzy hat.

Coincidentally, I found a fuzzy hat this weekend. Well less “found”, and more “taken” from a party whose host I can’t remember. And details on its location are a tad hazy. Big win for me though, now I’m doing my take on Jamiroquai for Halloween.

hat thumbs up


R Wilson
A Smith
On the Case Keenum

Insert Nick Foles at #14


  1. SD/WAS
  2. KC/BUF
  3. TEN/STL
  4. ATL/CAR
  5. NO/NYJ
  6. MIN/DAL


Seattle hosting Tampa Bay






BAL (-3)


That nuclear winter we were expecting post-trade deadline came not with a bang, but just a Sideshow Bob mimi-mushroom cloud. It was a dud. Stunning, I know. I fully expected a MEGA TRADE to transpire, like that time CHRIS CHAMBERS WAS DEALT!!!! But I forgot, nothing ever happens.

Is there anyway the Cowboys don’t come out and layeth the smacketh down on the Vikings coming off that devastating loss to the Lions? I think not. When Jerry Jones and his infinite lunacy decried DeMarco Murray, “could have played” on his bum knee against Detroit, I was somewhat relieved as a Fantasy owner. If he was able bodied seven days ago, he should as close to full strength as possible with the extra time to rest his knee. While it may have sucked if you needed him to win your Week 8 matchup, take solace knowing he’s going to pound Minnesota into submission Sunday. And don’t bother fretting about Murray’s carries being Hamburgled by The Flunky Bunch: Joseph Randle, Lance Dunbar and Phillip Tanner. They had their chance and blew it. Expect 20+ touches for Murray, and that’s more than enough to generate huge Fantasy numbers in his first week back.

In fact, play all your regular skill players on Dallas. Obviously, Dez Bryant is always a must start, but Terrance Williams is too. The Vikings always make certain there’s enough Fantasy goodness to go around for everyone. It’s like going to my grandma’s house; the food never stops, even when it’s clear you don’t want any more. Over its past three, Minnesota’s offering opposing WRs a share of 26 points per game… in standard scoring. In PPR, that number jumps up to 41.5 ppg. Much of that can be traced precisely to the 5 TDs they’ve ceded over this stretch. And riding in on a four game TD streak, TD-Will should have no issues pushing that number to five straight. More so with Miles Austin off trying to crack the case of what the Hell happened to his talent. That makes Hunky Tony a great play as well. Although, Romo isn’t atop the power rankings:


  1. Tony Gonzelez
  2. Tony Romo

Unranked: Tony Soprano: Deceased, or currently the O-Line coach for the Raiders. I get confused. But both outcomes are basically the same thing.

In all seriousness, if you’re the victim of abuse, SPEAK UP or you’ll never break the cycle. If you think you can change the current situation, you can’t. You’re simply setting yourself up for bigger problems in the future. So cutDwayne Bowe now. Separate yourself from his awfulness. If he’s not on your team, you’ll never be enticed into starting him. Thus saving you the torment of screaming at your TV when his stats flash across the bottom of the screen and it reads: D. Bowe 1 Rec. -9 yards. Don’t let him hurt you again.

Ditto for Roddy White. He’s not going to be right any time soon. All he’s doing is sucking up space on the back end of your roster, preventing you from taking gambles on the waiver wire every week. White’s the reason you missed out on Zac Stacy, Jordan Reed, Terrance Williams, Marvin Jones and Jarrett Boykin. He’s useless. And if you keep him, by the time he’s ready to contribute, you’ll already be out playoff contention.

Maurice Jones-Drew should be on that list too, but he got involved in the passing game last week in London. Hmmmmmm… maybe he really has changed this time. Good God, what am I saying?

If you’re playing BenJarvus Green-Ellis it’s clear you’re not trying to hit a home run. With the Law Firm, you’re starting him in the hopes he draws a walk or leans into one and manages to get aboard. He’s safe 4-10 points every week; he touches the ball on a fairly regular basis. Now, those touches have begun to deflate because the Bengals are all of a sudden the ’99 Rams, and Gio Bernard’s not-assembled-from-granite hands are more simpatico with the new Andy Dalton Air Show – now screening in select film rooms nationwide. But it’s not all bad news. Green-Ellis hasn’t fallen below 10 touches in any game since Week 4 in Cleveland, and draws that overrated Dolphins defense in the Thursday nighter. Ya, they ain’t DEBES. Football Outsiders has Miami ranked 22nd in its defensive efficiency rating and, in pure results, they’re giving up an average of 107 rushing ypg since Week 2 – Week 1 they blanketedTrent Richardson, something that hasn’t proven laborious in 2013. Doesn’t count – and have ceded 7 TD on the ground to running backs in those six games. You wanna sock a dinger? That’s Bernard. Need a FLEX that with ground rule double upside this week? BenJarvis, grab a bat, you’re up next.

I sort of believe in Marvin Jones in this spot too, and for the near future. Rest of the season, give me MARV overKennan Allen and Alshon Jeffery. And it’s not solely because I’ve picked him up wherever possible and immediately changed my team name to “The Sticky Bandit”… Mohamed Sanu is both banged up and irrelevant at this point. So there’s that too. MARV reminds me of when Stevie Johnson first emerged in 2010. By the time people finally started believing, it was too late. And they missed out his 9 TD in eight game scoring binge.

I don’t honestly know where to rank Steven Jackson or T-Rich at this point. Since they’re both still likely to get enough touches to matter, theoretically – they’ve been relegated to a plane of existence wedged between all starting RBs, capable back ups, primary receiving options, semi-reliable WR2s or WR3s and TEs with good match ups and players I really don’t want to start. And based on their performance this year, that still almost feels a bit high.

With both Arian Foster and Ben Tate carrying that pesky “game-time decision” label, it’s time to become chummy with Deji Karim and Dennis Johnson quickly. Karim is best known for once gaining 72 yards from scrimmage against the Titans in Week 2 of 2011. Not really, you probably only recognize him because his name is super weird and jarring to see in print. You may remember Johnson from… nowhere? I had literally never heard of this guy until the Texans added him from the practice roster this week. He’s likely terrible, I mean, he doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. What a loser. (Editor Note: Neither does Mayo). But if it’s announced he’s the starter over the weekend, he’s a definitely name you’ll want to have added to the watch list so you can be the first to nab him if that horrifying scenario unfolds. Let’s just hope Foster and/or Tate suit up. Having these scrubs affect a Fantasy matchup just seems wrong.

Like never taking your bet off “Red” while it’s on a heater at the roulette table, keep riding WR 2s against the Eagles. This week, the Cosmo’s have aligned for Rod Streater to have himself a personal moment of glory. Attach the stone of triumph!!!

Jake Locker or Ryan Fitzpatrickit don’t matter to Kendall Wright. He’s a PPR sensation: Averaging 6.3 catches over his last six. Consistent too. Wright never dipped below 5 receptions in any of those games.

With Sidney Rice finished for the season and Percy Harvin’s status still up in the air, Doug Baldwin is back, blipping on the radar. I’ve turned to Baldy a few different times now in moments need and he always seems to come through for me. If Harvin’s sidelined come Sunday, Baldwin inherits a much larger role against a challenged Bucs pass defense. I love Russell Wilson in this spot, so why not like the guys he’ll mainly be tossing to. And, can we just have Jermaine Kearse change his first name Jevon, signed everybody. THE FREAK.

The 49ers cut Marlon MooreMARIO MANNINGHAM ALERT!!!!

Desperately need a WR to plug in? Give David Nelson a shot. He’s soaked up 12 rec and 160 yards on 20 targets from #GENOPICKS the past two weeks.

If Nelson’s somehow gone, pick up Rishard MatthewsMy #LOSTIT PREDICTION OF WEEK 9: Matthews finds the endzone!!! I just assume spelling your name R-I-S-H-A-R-D makes you super human and thus, uncoverable.

Thad THE BAD Lewis has been sitting out practice because of prolonged pain in his ribs. Jeff Tuel and Matt Flynn have been splitting first team reps in his absence. As a Bills fan this makes me terribly vexed. As a Stevie Johnson Fantasy owner, im livid. No Buffalo WR can be trusted with either of those duds playing quarterback against the Chiefs.

Zac Stacy came through for me big time last week, which was awesome. But, not as awesome as finding out Stacy once encountered a headshrinker on his travels. I did tell him to avoid Haiti, he just refused to listen. Now he has aGoomba head.

Nick Foles is running the Eagles offense, which always means a bigger role for Riley Cooper.

And in Mike Wallace vs Brian Hartline:VIII, I’m betting Wallace. A lack of Ponce de Leon Hall should give him room to run his trademark straight lines.


Remember to check back Saturday evening for an injury update and Sunday after the Inactives are released. Full rankings adjustment and fresh QUICK READS covering the Fantasy spin of each news event.

Rankings set to PPR scoring format:

1 point for every 10 yards Rushing/Receiving
1 point per reception
6 points per Touchdown

Points per reception (PPR) scoring must be treated differently than standard leagues. Receivers and scat backs likeDarren Sproles, Danny Woodhead and Roy Helu have inflated value in PPR scoring. As do possession receivers –Wes Welker, Danny Amendola and others in their mold are safer options. Catches tend to be more consistent and predictive. Obviously, touchdowns and yards are still important, but when considering FLEX options exploit any advantage you can. For standard scoring, running backs with hands of stone like Alfred Morris, BenJarvus Green-Ellis and Stevan Ridley all see their stocks rise without catches in the mix.

Byes: Denver, NY Giants, Arizona, San Francisco, Jacksonville, Detroit

  1. Jamaal Charles
  2. Matt Forte
  3. Dez Bryant
  4. Brandon Marshall
  5. Jordy Nelson
  6. Adrian Peterson
  7. Marshawn Lynch
  8. A.J. Green
  9. DeSean Jackson
  10. Eddie Lacy
  11. Ray Rice
  12. LeSean McCoy
  13. Josh Gordon
  14. Antonio Brown
  15. Pierre Garcon
  16. Andre Johnson
  17. DeMarco Murray
  18. Giovani Bernard
  19. Vincent Jackson
  20. Jarrett Boykin
  21. Pierre Thomas
  22. Le’Veon Bell
  23. Rob Gronkowski
  24. Jimmy Graham
  25. Ryan Mathews
  26. Torrey Smith
  27. Jordan Cameron
  28. Terrence Williams
  29. Alfred Morris
  30. Steve Smith
  31. Harry Douglas
  32. Jordan Reed
  33. Antonio Gates
  34. Kendall Wright
  35. Golden Tate
  36. Darren McFadden
  37. Danny Woodhead
  38. T.Y. Hilton
  39. Denarius Moore
  40. Stevan Ridley
  41. Zac Stacy
  42. Fred Jackson
  43. Keenan Allen
  44. Arian Foster
  45. Darren Sproles
  46. Martellus Bennett
  47. Alshon Jeffery
  48. Marques Colston
  49. Mike Wallace
  50. MARV Jones
  51. Chris Johnson
  52. David Nelson
  53. Danny Amendola
  54. Jason Witten
  55. Tony Gonzalez
  56. BenJarvus Green-Ellis
  57. Riley Cooper
  58. Rod Streater
  59. Heath Miller
  60. Coby Fleener
  61. Tim Wright
  62. Garrett Graham
  63. DeAngelo Williams
  64. Lamar Miller
  65. Mike Tolbert
  66. Charles Dice Clay
  67. Steven Jackson
  68. Trent Richardson
  69. Aaron Dobson
  70. Brandon LaFell SEXUAL
  71. Brian Leonard
  72. Bilal Powell
  73. Daryl Richardson
  74. Daniel Thomas
  75. Darrius Heyward-Bey
  76. Doug Baldwin
  77. DeAndre Hopkins
  78. Lance Moore
  79. Mike James
  80. Emmanuel Sanders
  81. Stevie Johnson
  82. Rishard Matthews
  83. Brian Hartline
  84. Jeremy Kerely
  85. Drew Davis
  86. Julian Edelman
  87. Kenny Stills
  88. Roy Helu
  89. Ben Tate
  90. Tyler Eifert
  91. Jacquizz Rodgers
  92. Brandon Bolden
  93. Bernard Pierce
  94. Chris Ivory
  95. Cole Beasley
  96. Donald Brown
  97. Chris Ogbonnaya
  98. Marlon Brown
  99. TED GINN JR.
  100. Nate Washington
  101. Eddie Royal
  102. Leonard Hankerson
  103. Dwayne Bowe
  104. Myles White
  105. Tandon Doss
  106. Kenbrell Thomkins
  107. Jacoby Jones
  108. Jermaine Gresham
  109. Dallas Clark
  110. Tashard Choice
  111. James Starks
  112. Bryce Brown
  113. Shonn Greene
  114. Vincent Brown
  115. Jermaine Kearse
  116. Tiquan Underwood
  117. Dexter McCluster
  118. Scott Chandler
  119. Kyle Rudolph
  120. Delanie Walker
  121. Brent Celek
  122. LaVon Brazil
  123. Chris Givens
  124. Willis McGahee
  125. Fozzy Whittaker
  126. Marcel Reece
  127. LeGarrette Blount
  128. Dexter McCluster
  129. Austin Pettis
  130. T.J. Graham
  131. Stephen Hill
  132. Jason Avant
  133. Greg Jennings
  134. Anthony Fasano
  135. Davone Bess
  136. Markus Wheaton
  137. Jackie Battle
  138. Robert Turbin
  139. Khiry Robinson
  140. Joseph Randle
  141. Michael Bush
  142. Brian Quick
  143. Darius Johnson
  144. Nick Toon
  145. Cordarrelle Patterson
  146. Robert Woods
  147. The Walls of Jericho Cotchery
  148. Aldrick Robinson
  149. Marquise Goodwin
  150. Deji Karim
  151. Ronnie Brown
  152. Jonathan Dwyer
  153. Knile Davis
  154. Lance Dunbar
  155. Felix Jones
  156. Jerome Simpson
  157. Dwayne Harris
  158. Santana Moss
  159. Greg Little
  160. Tavon Austin
  161. Mychal Rivera
  162. Lance Kendricks
  163. Ed Dickson
  164. Clay Harbor
  165. Zach Ertz
  166. Andrew Quarless
  167. Rashad Jennings
  168. John Kuhn
  169. Toby Gerhart
  170. Andrew Hawkins
  171. Dennis Johnson
  172. Austin Collie

Worst Place:

  1. Mark Ingram
  2. Jared Cook
  3. Montee Ball
  4. Miles Austin
  5. Zach Miller

How’d ya miss…

Week 9 QB Ranks & Sleepers
Week 9 RB Ranks & Sleepers
Pat Mayo Hour – Waiver Wire Positional Power Rankings