Too much has been made of Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson’s well-publicized decision NOT to engage in sexual intercourse with his girlfriend, pop singer Ciara, without first entering into the sacred bond of marriage. Who can really blame the guy? He just signed a massive contract and become a household name over the course of the last two NFL seasons. Of course he’s looking to protect himself from the temptations that befall many a celebrity. That’s a good instinct. More power to him.
That being said, no one blames you for thinking he’s insane for not doing the thing everyone thinks about nearly every waking minute of the day with his extremely attractive partner, who is presumably dying for him to do it with her. Most males over the age of 15 cannot fathom actively choosing to defer rounding the bases the way Russ has. Once again, that speaks to his principles. He’s not a bad guy. Don’t hate him for not having sex with Ciara.
Hate him for his painfully corny public proclamations of love…
— Russell Wilson (@DangeRussWilson) January 28, 2016
As if that kind of overly mushy public display of affection wasn’t bad enough, it turns out HE’S NOT EVEN USING HIS OWN WORDS!!! No joke — some intrepid social media sleuths discovered that Russell Wilson has been asking the internet how to impress his girlfriend with compliments that are supposed to be authentic and original. It’s either that, or some seriously coincidental, lame-ass parallel thinking.
— Natalie (@natalieweiner) January 28, 2016
Seeing as we now know that the poor guy is at a complete loss for words when it comes to expressing his feelings about Ciara’s appearance, it’s only fair that we do the obligatory internet-y thing and show you the other stuff he’s been searching. After all, it’s not like you haven’t Googled weird shit. We all do it — it’s just that Wilson’s search history is probably way weirder (in much different, sadder way).