Six Apocryphal Signs And What They Mean
We live in strange times. Our world now is one in which candidates question the moderators; disgraced athletes are hired as analysts; and cars drive themselves. What does it all mean?
If you look closely, you've been given all the clues. And fortunately, we're here to interpret them for you. Let's begin.
A Patriots fan in the Greater Boston area took this photo on Wednesday and sent it to NBC-10 WJAR. The cloud looks exactly like the Patriots logo, and indeed the next day New England beat Miami in decisive fashion.
— Mike Depina (@MikeDepina96) October 27, 2015
What It Means: God is a Patriots fan? Sorry, the Lord is not that hands-on; He has bigger things to worry about. This cloud was created by an intern. Statement from God: "We apologize for Wednesday's atmospheric logo that appeared over Boston. It was made by our intern, Steve, who is no longer with us. Heaven does not actively support any one NFL franchise, as that would be in conflict with our Draft Kings licensing agreement."
Terrifying Runaway Inflatable Pumpkin
Technically at Jack-o-Lantern, this "350-pound bouncy gourd", as Huffington Post called it, became unmoored in Peoria, Arizona, and was not captured until it made its way to northern New Mexico. Or, come to rest under a streetlight a block away (the story is not clear).
What It Means: The Great Pumpkin is pissed. The Pac-12 has scheduled two games on his most sacred Halloween Night: Stanford at Washington State at 7:30 p.m.; and Cal at Washington at 8 p.m. Candy, or football? Binge drinking, or Huskies? Hmm.
I haven't seen a giant inflatable thing this mad since:
R.I.P. Tillman, The Skateboarding Dog
The English bulldog who inspired a generation with his skateboarding (and snowboarding) antics died on Tuesday night of complications from an irregular heartbeat. His owner Ron Davis announced the sad news on Facebook.
What It Means: No California teams will win anything until at least 2018. No Warriors repeat, no Raiders in the playoffs, no Giants, A's, Dodgers or Padres victory parades. California is the home of skateboarding, and now also the final resting place of joyful, goofy innocence. Oh, and also no Carly Fiorina as the GOP nominee.
Harrison Ford Did An Interview Dressed As A Hot Dog
And it was a serious interview, with Jimmy Kimmel (dressed as Princess Leia) on Thursday. In it Ford discussed his plane crash and how he injured his ankle (on the door to the Millennium Falcon).
What It Means: The new Star Wars movie is going to suck.
Bear On Mars
Poring over recent NASA exploration photos, author Scott C. Waring has noticed this: a giant bear on Mars. The image was first posted on UFO Sightings Daily, and has caused much interest among Mars enthusiasts, and Florida hunters who want to kill it. Waring: "There is a reason NASA puts photos into black and white. To hide the living creatures and plants that are an obvious color." Of course.
What It Means: BCS Championship Game berth for Cal, Chicago to the Super Bowl, Bruins Stanley Cup champions, and NASA to mount emergency mission to Mars to save that bear.
Asteroid Buzzing Earth On Halloween Looks Like A Skull
NASA says the giant space rock will come within 300,000 miles of Earth on Halloween, which in cosmic terms is like being brushed back by Randy Johnson. And we just learned of its existence last week.
— NASA (@NASA) October 30, 2015
What It Means: Royals win World Series, 2 games to 1.
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