Six Things To Hate And/Or Laugh At In Rick Reilly’s Jets Poem Published Over The Weekend

  • Eric Goldschein

Rick Reilly is the punching bag of ESPN columnists, mostly because he’s cheesy. And because he got caught begging for credit on live TV. And because he loves one-liners. And so on. So we try not to read his column too often.

The latest Reilly piece, however, deserves to be viewed by the masses. Not because it’s an example of quality journalism or story-telling, but because it’s a poem about the Jets. The whole Jets-Tebow-media-clusterfuck over the last two years has gotten a bit old, so Reilly took it upon himself to inject new life into it.

You can read the whole thing here. You can also view some hilarious and brutal reactions on Twitter. In the meantime, check out our favorite (also known as least-favorite) lines from this “work” of “art”:

1. QB or not QB
That is the question.

Nothing like starting this ill-advised attempt at poetry by ripping off a Shakespeare soliloquy.

2. Tim was just voted
“Most Influential”
Whoever they asked
Must be demential

Pretty sure demential is not a real word.

3. He says he’ll behave
But who’s a believa?

Reilly switched over into Jewish-grandmother-on-Long-Island-mode to make that rhyme work.

4. Smith doesn’t listen
He’d much rather text
Try that in meetings
His phone will get Rexed

Getting your phone Rexed either means he will take it away from you like a vindictive high school P.E. teacher, or eat it.

5. Matt Simms has good genes
But his hope is slim
Coaches over 40
Rarely play The Sims


6. But wait — what happens
If nobody wins?

This is actually the best part. Because it’s the end. Also, if you’re a Jets fan, you already know the answer to this question: the same thing as 2012-13.

[Awful Announcing]