The 80 Craziest Fantasy Football Team Names We Could Find

The 80 Craziest Fantasy Football Team Names We Could Find
  • Jake O'Donnell

Alright folks, the moment of truth is fast approaching. You now have less than two weeks to decide on the name your fantasy football team will bear for the 2015 NFL season. This is objectively more important than naming your first child, seeing as your first child will probably wind up in prison where he/she will be given a new name by his/her gang leader. The 12 guys you’ll draft for your fantasy squad — they won’t have that luxury. What you decide to call them is what they’ll be known as until the end of time, so don’t blow it.

No pressure though.

Related: 41 Really Bad Fantasy Football Team Names For 2016

To help you in your quest to find the perfect moniker for your team (or league), we’ve spent much of the day sifting through countless ESPN, Yahoo! and CBS fantasy leagues looking for the most interesting names human beings have bequeathed unto to their respective make-believe football rosters. Much of what we saw was to be expected: “Team (insert first/last name),” “Tom’s Deflated Balls,” “The Pussy Machinez,” etc. That stuff is for amateurs. You’re better than that.

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Here’s the witty/topical/weird/evil stuff we found lurking in the depths of the fantasy deep web…

2015 FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM NAME ARCHIVE:

Gronky Kong

Team Dad

Slob On My Cobb

Butt Cheeks University (league)

Turn Your Head and Coughlin

No Bush More Johnson

Geno Grigio

Forgetting Brandon Marshall

The Walking Dez

Whoops Eiferted

Beats By Ray

Almost Jameis

My Ball Zach Erts Even More (league)

Wilfork On First Date

John Candy Memorial League (league)

Whoa Whoa Whoa Fitzmagic

Dez Nutz

Farty Spaghetti (league)

Kuechie Monsters

Brady Gaga (league)

Gronky Punch (there are four of these leagues)

Gronk If You’re Horny! (…and two of these leagues)

Chris Carter’s Fall-Guys

Watt me whip, Watt me JJ

Nick Foles’ Dickholes

Phallus Cowboys

1.21 JJ Watts

Victorious Secret

Best Buy Myrtle Beach (league)

Forte Inch Ditka

Yippee Ki Yay Justin Tucker

I’m Here So I Won’t Get Fined

Ron’s Bacne (league)

Manziel In Distress

Erect Decker

Demaryius Targarian

Kelce Grammar

dingdongmanwichfarts4000iloveyou (league)

Last Year I Got Screwed By The Giant’s D

Luck Her Right In the Percy

God Hates Jags

Jaamal About That Action

InGlorious Staffords

Suh-Tang Clan

Geno 9-1-1

Breesus, King of the Drews

Mott Farte

Dude, You’re Getting Odell!

Hernandez’s Hitmen (over 20 leagues)

I Mangold My Ditka

The Luckness Monster

P.S.I.: Foxboro

Amari Pooper

Irritable Bowles Syndrome

Cocaine Hair (league)

GWARshawn Lynch

Romosexual Dezbians (over 10 leagues)

Don’t Kirkoff Your Cousins

The Golden Tate Warriors

Rudolph the Redzone Reindeer

Le’Veon My Wayward Son

Le’Veon A Prayer

Kelce Lately

U Down w/ ODB? (Jamaal Know Me)

The Forsett Awakens

Multiple Scoregasms

Collegehumor Presents Joique and Ameer

PSI Love You

Rex Ryan’s Women’s Shoe Emporium

Your Team Suggs

Tittsburgh Feelers

Keenan and Bell

Luck Dynasty

I Love Lacy

Flacco Seagulls

The Full Monte

Carlos Hyde Pierce

Vajayjay Twatt

Jamaal Rats

Feel free to poach any one of these and pretend like you came up with it yourself (many of them exist as duplicates anyways). We’ll update this list as the season nears so that even the most ambitious owners out there can get maximum satisfaction from rolling up to their draft with something that makes them look cool/funny/smart/terrifyingly insensitive.

You’re welcome.

Related: 41 Really Bad Fantasy Football Team Names For 2016

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David Gonos

David Gonos has been writing about sports online since 2001, including CBSSports.com, FoxSports.com, NFL.com, MLB.com and SportsIllustrated.com.