The Browns’ Plutonian Quarterback Situation, In Legendary Jersey Form

  • Matt Rudnitsky

If you haven’t heard, Colt McCoy (premature worship) and Brandon Weeden (natural causes) have been announced as OUT for this weekend. The Browns have to start someone, because putting Trent Richardson in a full-game Wildcat would be dangerous even for a manly manchild like T-Rich.

Fan expectations cannot possibly fail to be met, so former Duke quarterback Thad Lewis is starting. Yes, former Duke quarterback, and probably the 29th-most-popular kid at Duke while a student.

There is now a new addition to the Browns Quarterback Jersey.

This is the saddest thing ever. I initially wanted to rank these quarterbacks, but I realized there is no point. They are all awful. Instead, I will list five things better than the Browns quarterbacks so that all of you non-Browns fans can continue feeling that warm schadenfreude you are feeling right now. Browns fans, I’m sorry.

1. People who instagram all of their meals
2. Greg Paulus
3. Rare chicken
4. Mark Sanchez
5. Smelling people’s farts.

[imgur; image via]