The Vince Young Retirement Fund: Help The Man Buy 20 Meals At The Cheesecake Factory, Out Of The Goodness Of Your Heart

  • Matt Rudnitsky

Former BCS National Champion/Diet Pepsi NFL Rookie of the Year/pudgy athletic specimen/T.G.I. Friday’s superfan Vince Young is broke. In unrelated news, he dropped a few grand at chain restaurants on a weekly basis while tossing around the pigskin professionally.

Since you undoubtedly feel for him, some Texas Longhorn alums want you to help VY out. They set up an Indiegogo fundraiser “to provide Vince with a diversified retirement portfolio.” Their goal: $100,119, which is one dollar for every seat in Texas’s football stadium. I can only assume that “diversified retirement portfolio” means 20 meals at the Cheesecake Factory.

So, people, please “help the man get back on his feet.” “Simply donate a dollar and help a living legend.” I mean, it’ll only buy you 0.00016666666 of a meal, anyway, you penny pinchers! As the ad says, “Vince may be broke but OU still sucks.” I mean, what will he do with out his nightly dinners of Mozzarella Sticks, Lobster, Cheesecake and Patrón? Have a soul, America.

In all seriousness, it’s pretty sad that a former high first-rounder is broke. He says he was “betrayed” by trusted advisers, and that sucks. Maybe he can get a job as a replacement ref?