THIS IS REAL: Key And Peele To Do Live Commentary For Super Bowl 50
Squarespace has finally gone and done what so many other media outlets have failed to do: provide us absurd football commentary that is self-aware and intentionally funny rather than accidentally so.
On Monday the highly touted website-building platform released their first teaser for "Real Talk with Key and Peele," a show that will be hosted on one of their microsites starring Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele; the critically acclaimed duo known best for their self-titled Comedy Central sketch show.
The pair will play aspiring sportscasters "Lee and Morris" who are dead set on providing live commentary of the Super Bowl despite the fact that they claim they have been legally forbidden from using players real names or even saying the word "football."
CEO of Squarespace Anthony Casalena told USA Today on Tuesday that Lee and Morris "are going to be hanging out for four hours making things up." To which we all immediately responded, "Aaaand how's that any different from what Phil Simms does again?"
The "Real Talk" website has all of the teaser videos as well as a countdown to the start of the game and some inspirational quotes, including:
"I've seen him talk to a dolphin." - Lee
"We've got that analytic encyclopedic almanac football knowledge!" - Morris
My personal favorite is this 30 second teaser in which the team talks about the sacrifices they have made to pursue their sports broadcasting dreams.
"If you were to punch me in the face right now, it would feel like flowers."
I dare you to say that quote in a John Gruden voice and tell me that doesn't sound exactly like something he would actually say. You can't do it.
What you can do is check out the rest of Lee and Morris' quotes, GIFs, trailers and teasers on their website. Here is their press conference, if you want to get an even bigger taste of the nonsense you're in for if you choose Lee and Morris over Simms and Jim Nantz.
Obviously Squarespace picked the right year to do this, because if we are being honest, this inane babble may still be more appealing that the actual CBS broadcast.
"WE DOIN' LIVE SPORTS COMMENTARY!"
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