Tom Brady’s Pact With Satan
By Cam Giangrande
In 1955, George Abbott and Douglas Wallop wrote a musical/comedy which became a play on Broadway that had a run of 1,019 performances, as well as a movie. The name of the show was “Damn Yankees.” It told the story of middle-aged Joe Boyd, lamenting his beloved Washington Senators, and complaining that those “Damn Yankees” won again. It was a re-telling of the classic Faust legend, where a man makes a deal with the devil.
In this story, the devil’s name is Mr Applegate. He convinces Boyd into swapping his soul to become “Joe Hardy”, a young and powerful hitter; a five-tool superstar, not unlike Mickey Mantle or Willie Mays. The musical went on to produce a couple of songs which remain famous to this day, “Whatever Lola Wants”, and “You Gotta Have Heart”. And, if you like that form of entertainment, it was an enjoyable couple of hours.
I got to thinking of that play at around 7:45pm last night, after I witnessed another utterly ridiculous, unfathomable, inexplicable, and amazing victory by The New England Patriots. They defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers 27-24 in Pittsburgh, by scoring 11 points in the final five minutes of the game Sunday night. And again, it wasn’t just the victory, or scoring in their final two possessions…many teams do that. But what many teams don’t do, is constantly come back after looking completely beaten and dominated – over, and over, and over again.
Tom Brady is King of the AFC East once again. ? pic.twitter.com/Q211mnOjP2
— The Checkdown (@thecheckdown) December 18, 2017
In the first half of the game, the Patriots only possessed the ball for 10 minutes. They went into the second half, losing 17-10. They scored a touchdown to start the third quarter, but Stephen Gostkowski missed the extra point (so you knew Brady would need some 2-point heroics, like in Super Bowl LI). That made the score 17-16. Pittsburgh scored again, to make the score 24-16. With 3:56 to go in the game, Gostkowski redeemed himself with a 46-yard field goal to make it a 24-19 game, still a five-point deficit. As long as the Steelers didn’t go three and out, (which they hadn’t done all game), they would win. What happened? The Steelers went three and out. OF COURSE THEY DID! They were forced to punt and give the ball back to Brady with 2:06 left in the game. One minute and 10 seconds later, Dion Lewis ran the ball in for the go-ahead touchdown, and Rob Gronkowski caught a Brady pass for the two point conversion, and three-point lead.
However, the game wasn’t over; there were still 56 seconds left for Ben Roethlisberger to get his team into field goal range. On the first play, a blown tackle produced a 69-yard pass, all the way down to the 10-yard line. There would be no way this game wasn’t at least going into overtime. Next play, tight end Jesse James scores what looked to be the game winning touchdown. OOPS, after further review, the ball was bobbling and the touchdown was reversed. On third down, with around 10 seconds left and the clock ticking, Roethlisberger did the unthinkable; the impossible: he threw an interception. Game over; Patriots win…again, in the most jaw-dropping way.
Let me be the first to say it: Tom Brady has sold his soul to the devil.
Believe me, I’m not a hater. I say thank you Tom for swapping your immortal soul for my entertainment and enjoyment. I APPRECIATE IT! I started to think it awhile ago, but now I’m thoroughly convinced. It’s one thing to be the GOAT, but to still be the best quarterback at age 40, with no signs of slowing down, and well on his way to his seventh consecutive AFC Championship Game and probable eighth Super Bowl appearance, is supernatural.
It just doesn’t happen. It certainly doesn’t happen with someone who was drafted with the 199th pick in the draft. Usually, Brady’s type of greatness is reserved for high first round picks like Peyton Manning and John Elway, not lowly sixth rounders. In other sports too, you won’t find Michael Jordanesque players going in the second round. The only solution is demonic involvement.
It cannot just be avocado ice cream.
Yes, Brady is a maniac at physical fitness, and staying in shape, but 40 year-old bodies aren’t meant to move better and faster than they did when they were 30 years old. It must be Satan…and let’s not forget his wife Gisele Bundchen. How many of you would sell your souls???
You may ask, if Brady sold his soul, why doesn’t he win every year? My answer is, the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn’t exist. After winning three Super Bowls in four years; (2001-05), he realized he needed to appear mortal.
If you ever saw Pixar’s movie, “The Incredibles”, there is a scene at the end, where the son, who possesses super speed, is in a school race. He deliberately slows down and comes in second place to not draw attention to himself. That’s what Brady did. He even missed a year with an injury. And, he lost two Super Bowls along the way. But now that he’s 40, he’s going nuclear and winning as much as possible.
At some point he’ll be forced to stop to not draw too much attention to the fact that what he’s doing isn’t human. But for me, it’s too late; I’m onto him and Lucifer.
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