Tom Brady’s Play Call Wristband Is The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of
I have been wondering what an NFL quarterback's play-calling wristband looked like ever since it was revealed that Mark Sanchez needed to have his color coded because he was presumably, ahem...a dumb ass.
Now I'm not so sure. I think I may have to extend my apologies to Butt Fumble McGee because after seeing the horrifying graph of non-sentences in size 8 font that Brady has to read from in order to call his plays, I'm pretty sure that he and Peyton Manning are geniuses. Like Mensa-level savants. If Manning isn't holed up at JPL figuring out a way to sustain human life on Mars right now then I contend that he is wasting his talents.
Check this out, courtesy of an incredibly smart Reddit user - /u/advillious - who snapped a photo of one of Brady's old wristbands as displayed at the Patriots Hall of Fame:
Jesus. You know that frustration you feel when you are trying to read something and there is blaring music or a loud TV in the background? Now imagine that noise is about 70,000 men, women, children and drunks. Nope. With all the practice in the world I couldn't get my attention-deficit-riddled mind to retain any of this information at that point.
And let's remember that this is no ordinary play-call sheet. Brady and the Patriots are known for executing incredibly complex play calls, and their offensive playbook has taken down more than its fair share of otherwise successful athletes that just couldn't keep up. It's also worth noting that Brady audibles at the line of scrimmage more than just about any other quarterback in the league. That means that if you're on the Patriots' offense, you must remember what every single one of these plays entails and be ready to execute them at a moment's notice.
If you're interested, here's former Patriots offensive coordinator Bill O'Brien explaining play 45: Gun Brown Right 74 Hoss X-Follow. He goes into detail regarding how the play call spells out the formation, the protection and the route. If you've never heard a complex NFL offense broken down before, prepare to be amazed and utterly confused.
The main takeaway from that video is that the Patriots run a word-based system, rather than a numbers based one. So "HOSS" is a word that symbolizes the combination of a hitch route and seam rout; the 'H' in hitch and the 'S' in seam being the base of the word. Then “X-FOLLOW” requires a slot receiver to run an out route and the “X” receiver on the outside to run a follow route which is an in breaking route.
O'Brien also explains that "obviously" this is a zone coverage route, and that you wouldn't make this play call against man coverage. Which I personally definitely knew...because you clearly never call a Hoss X-Follow versus man. Everyone knows that....
So yeah. The moral of the story here is that if you're ever at work and you feel like the pressure on the job is too much, just imagine your boss standing up and yelling "FLANK YIG BEATLE AWAY A RITZ" and expecting you to react with immediacy and precision. And then imagine that if you screw it up, you could lose a game in front of millions of people.
See? Now go apologize to Jay Cutler for being so mean to him.
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