Von Miller’s Farting Has Cost Him A Lot Of Money
While it may come as a disappointment to learn that you cannot feasibly fart out a entry-level compact car, you can fart out the cost of one in fines if you play for the Denver Broncos (assuming you have 30 noticeable ones in you).
Thanks to ESPN's homeless charity shaming Twitter bot, we now know the team's poopy air punitive policy, as he reported on Christmas Day that Von Miller's insatiable lust for stinking up locker rooms has cost him $15,000 this season.
Von Miller's teammates created a fart tax of $500. They caught him farting 30 times in a season which he says cost him $15K (H/T @mortyain)
— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) December 26, 2016
Listen, I know you're rolling in cash after signing the biggest guaranteed contract in NFL history, but that doesn't mean you have to force everyone in your immediate vicinity to dive into your butt like a vault of gold coins. Then again, pro athletes eat a lot of protein, so, ya know, farting.
Either way, I wanna know what's happening to that $15,0000. Charity? A new air filter on the team plane? Is it being donated to the victims of Miller's noxious ass? SENATOR! WHERE IS THE FART FINE MONEY GOING DAMMIT, THE PEOPLE NEED ANSWERS!
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