Westboro Baptist Church Blames Michael Sam For Ferguson Situation Because Of Course

  • Jake O'Donnell

If there’s one thing for certain about the racial upheaval in Ferguson, MO, it’s that the St. Louis Rams are at the center of it, specifically, their 7th-round pick. Great job St. Louis GM Les Snead, now we’re all going to hell because you wanted a pure pass rusher. Happy?

In case this is too gross for you to skim, here’s the important part:

“Missouri has made itself known worldwide for three things: Fags (e.g. Michael Sam); bestiality; and shredding the constitution in order to remove the Word of God from their streets.”

What about their reluctance to believe things? Aren’t Missourians really difficult to persuade without empirical evidence? I’m pretty sure “The Show Me” state’s signature skepticism ranks above its thing for bestiality (that’s not even cracking the top five in our “Missouri Trademark Power Rankings”). Just a thought.

The moral of the story is that the Westboro Baptist Church will be picketing Michael Brown’s funeral on account of openly gay defensive end Michael Sam, who may or may not make the Rams 52-man roster. In the event he actually gets a spot, the WBC predict the immediate end of the universe as we know it, eternal hellfire for all Americans, and another mediocre 7-9 season behind the mercurial Sam Bradford.

Will this be Bradford’s last season at the helm? What is hell like? We’ll find out come December. Stay tuned…

Photo via Getty