Okay, Now We Have A Better Idea Of Which Team Will Be The NFL’s Worst
Almost every NFL team has now played four games so far this season, which means it’s time to say:
Fuck everything, I hate football, my team is the worst.
Last week we thought we had the four worst teams in the NFL all figured out, and the week before we also thought we had the worst teams pegged. But despite the fact that it's still way too early to make any definitive predictions (remember when the Cardinals started 4-0 last year?), we feel a lot more confident in this week's selection of the worst teams in the league. They'll look familiar to you, in that they've all appeared on this list before.
Which team will be hoisting the first overall pick in 2014? Let’s find out.
How do they look so far?: Big Ben said it best: "Right now, you could say we're the worst team in the league." This is the most perplexing team in the group: Their defense isn't horrible, and their offense isn't horrible. They just keep losing -- low scoring games, high scoring games, games in America, games in London.
How do things look going forward?: They got Le'Veon Bell back, and he scored a couple times, but they have a gutter-dwelling run game until we see otherwise.
How does our Pretty Much Screwed prediction look?: They're not getting to seven wins. They're probably not getting more than five.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
How do they look so far?: Greg Schiano would have seriously cooled off the hot seat if the Bucs had beaten the Cardinals this past weekend. But they didn't. Mike Glennon looked okay in place of Josh Freeman, but he threw two interceptions and the Bucs didn't score in the second half. Bad teams need to beat other bad teams in order to become less bad, and the Bucs are now more bad.
How do things look going forward?: Again: If you don't beat bad teams, it's hard to be positive. And when your one bright spot, Darrelle Revis, gets beat for the game-winning touchdown (albeit by Larry Fitzgerald), the future looks even dimmer. So, yeah, not good.
How does our Pretty Much Screwed prediction look?: We are downgrading the Bucs to three wins.
New York Giants
How do they look so far?: What the fuck is going on here? Outscored 69-7 in the last two games? The worst turnover differential in the league by far? A non-existent run game? Dropped passes? Players talking about punching each other in the mouth? This team looks like garbage.
How do things look going forward?: In a weak division and with a supposedly talented roster, the Giants should be able to turn things around. But until they show any signs of life, you have to assume they are what we say they are: terrible.
How does our Pretty Much Screwed prediction look?: Shameful. I apologize.
How do they look so far?: HA.
How do things look going forward?: NO.
How does our Pretty Much Screwed prediction look?: BYE.
Photo via Getty
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