While Waiting For The Game To Start, Eight NFL Season Predictions

  • David Young

Okay, we’ve seen as much footage as we can stomach of Seattle’s Super Bowl dismantling of Denver. We’ve seen Pharrell prove he really does only have one song worth listening to (Don’t worry, Pharrell, Soundgarden was more garden than sound during their set). We’ve seen Bob Costas sit next to lots of men who are twice as tall as he is. In other words, we’re tired of the pre-game and ready for the season to start.

While we wait, let’s throw out eight NFL season predictions (please game, please start!):

-The entire Seahawks and Broncos teams will be suspended for weed. Dude, it’s like totes legal in those states. Conversely, the entire Raiders team will come down with a nasty case of glaucoma. Let’s start a pot-ition to get all Broncos’ home games played at 4:20!

-Your fantasy team will not win. Just playing the odds here.

-The 49ers will have *at least* one more player arrested. They are among NFL leaders in this category, and show no signs of slowing down.

Julio Jones will get hurt. I don’t want him to, but like the swallows returning to Capistrano…

-Two-thirds of all sports websites will make a joke about Josh Gordon being good at selling cars because he’s well-acquainted with dealers. Trust me, it will happen.

-Commissioner Roger Goodell will be replaced. Okay, this just escalated. Inconsistent policies for drug use and domestic abuse were just the start. His light punishment of Colts owner Jim Irsay was hard to stomach by players who have been sentenced to more for less, and will be his Watergate (or Waterloo).

Johnny Manziel will do something childish. News alert: he’s a child. At 21, he’s over-paid, over-exposed, and over-hyped. He’s J.D. McCoy, but for real.

-The NCAA decision to give the big conferences autonomy will trickle down (or up?) to the NFL. When college players start getting a paycheck, it will affect the draft, NFL pay structure, and player/agent power… And not to forget, Kevin Costner movies.


David Young has been a columnist for ESPN and Sports Illustrated and is now one for SportsGrid.com. Follow him on Twitter @turkeysflying.