Before the 2017 NFL season started, the most fun exercise among New Yorkers and NFL fans with malice in their hearts from South Florida to New England was to predict if the Jets would go winless. Part of that was looking at the schedule and determining when they would get their first victory. New York Giants fans sneered at their neighbors yet again (let’s not call them brothers, they are not related just because they play in the same town.)
Five weeks into the season, the Jets have won three more games than many expected and it is the Giants who are the laughingstocks of New Jersey and New York, where they don’t actually play but somehow have been identified as the team of that state since they moved out of New York itself.
So Jet fans can actually look down their noses at their stadium-sharing tenants for once. Meanwhile, Giant fans can now only hopelessly speculate when their first victory may come. A glance at the upcoming schedule makes it apparent that it may be no time soon. Odell Beckham Jr. is done for the season, so Big Blue boosters are now wondering whether they can truly end up winless. Some of them may actually be looking forward to the Knicks starting up soon. That’s how bad it has become, while those troublemakers in Philadelphia who take so much extra joy in the pain of others because their team has never won anything, snicker and guffaw loud enough to be heard from Broad Street. Meanwhile, we’ll take a look at the upcoming schedule and determine just when that first win may come, and what their final record may be.
Oct. 15 at Denver: The Broncos’ defensive backs will probably look at the Giants wide receivers without OBJ on the field during warmups and will start pointing fingers and laughing hysterically.
Odds of a Win: Five percent – Predicted final score: Loss, 30-13
Oct. 22 vs. Seattle: The Seahawks have never lost at MetLife Stadium in four tries, including a shutout of the Giants in 2013. They should mike up Richard Sherman for this one. But there’s a better chance to win here at home being desperate for a victory. Odds of a Win: 25 percent. Predicted final score: Loss, 27-17
Oct. 29 bye: Well, they won’t lose this week.
Nov. 5 vs. Rams: The Los Angeles defensive line and secondary is too much too handle, but there’s an outside chance of a home win if the Jints are still winless, which is very likely. Our money is on them being 0-8. Odds of a Win: 35 percent. Predicted final score: Loss, 20-17
Nov. 12 at 49ers: San Francisco could be winless themselves by this point, although they have a good shot to beat Arizona in the previous game. The Giants appear to be capable of winning this one, although being on the road could mean a valiant, but ultimately futile effort. Odds of a win: 45 percent. Predicted final score: Loss, 37 to 34 in OT.
Nov. 19 at Chiefs: Easily the least winnable game on the remaining schedule. Odds of a win: Two percent. Predicted final score: Loss, 37 to 13
Nov. 23 at Washington: A really decent chance of winning here, on national TV against a divisional opponent. An interception of Kirk Cousins seals it. Odds of a win: 50 percent. Predicted final score: Win, 27 to 24.
Dec. 3 at Oakland: Traveling all the way across the country for a beating: Odds of a win: Five Percent. Predicted Final Score: Loss, 27 to 10.
Dec. 10 vs. Dallas: If the Giants don’t win at Washington, they will beat Dallas at home. The Cowboys defense is terrible and the Giants defense can keep them in it. Divisional games are always hard-fought contests and if the Giants only win one game all year, this will be it. This is the one bright moment to salvage from the season, very possibly. Odds of a Win: 55 percent. Predicted final score: Win, 31 to 28.
Dec. 17 vs. Eagles: Another good chance of a divisional win at home. But two in a row will be unlikely. Odds of a win: 45 percent. Predicted final score: Loss, 24 to 20.
Dec. 24 at Cardinals: Arizona is just as depleted as the Giants are. A surprise for those receiving discounted blue and red merchandise for the holidays. “Hey, I got this Brandon Marshall jersey for only 20 bucks for my brother…” Odds of a win: 50 percent. Predicted final score: Win, 31 to 27.
Dec. 31 vs. Washington: Both teams are out of the playoff hunt. Eli has a good game as the look to a future and a top draft choice begins. Odds of a Win: 60 percent. Predicted final score: Win, 28 to 20.
Final Record: 4-12, the worst since 2003, the year before Eli Manning’s rookie season.