WHAT WE LEARNED LAST WEEK: You Wanna Know Why The Cowboys Suck? It All Starts At The Top

  • Jake O'Donnell

Jerry Jones fancies himself the cool kid on campus. His organization, the Dallas Cowboys, are by extension some real hip, swingin’ cats, who aren’t square enough to focus on football alone. He likes his football team to be comprised of renaissance men, that is to say, drinking grog in the main hall, wooing wenches and celebrating the glory of their own existence.

A winning model for sure.

When the pictures emerged of Jones looking like a creepy old dude holding stripper boobs in what we now know to be a restaurant, the enigmatic failure that is the 21st century Dallas Cowboys began to make more sense. They are not a character-based team. They are collection of C-list celebrities in a sport that requires complete and utter selflessness. They love them some them — and that tone is set by Jones, who has since made it clear his boys are there to enjoy the ride, insofar as that seemingly is his mantra as owner.

Speaking in reference to another similarly fratty incident involving a team party bus and the NFL Vice President of officiating, grabby McBooberson made a compelling argument as to the maturity of his entire franchise.

[Shutdown Corner] “I just don’t have a problem with it at all,” Jerry Jones said, “and I don’t deem it inappropriate at all. Part of Blandino’s job during the offseason is to network with the clubs, that’s a good thing. Officiating is doing a good job, and I just don’t have a problem with that. As you know, our bus is an area that we entertain and that’s what we do. So I just don’t have a problem with that.”

As far as those naughty-looking photos of the 71-year-old NFL owner and two significantly younger women, we’re ROTFL after seeing his response. Similarly, his nonchalant tone suggests that these kinds of shenanigans are not only commonplace, but encouraged by the organization.

“Someone has misrepresented photos taken at a restaurant five years ago for their own purposes,” he said.

Really man, misrepresented? You think we’re that stupid? What’s to misrepresent about a picture of a stripper pressing her face against your dick? Or you holding another stripper’s boob? You own an NFL team — how do you expect your players to go “all in” if half the time you and your organization are acting like you’re the Pi Kappa Alpha flag football team? Jones clearly doesn’t see what’s so fucking weird about this whole situation (even though it’s pretty obvious).

He’s setting the wrong tone.

Let’s just put it like this: If we were Cowboys fans, and we were looking to point the finger at someone for more than a decade of mediocrity, Jones’ management style would be suspects 1-10. In a parity-filled league where everyone sniffs the Lombardi trophy over the span of 15 years — where franchises who emphasize maturity and virtue seem to routinely find success — the idea that any owner would be caught dead cupping a breast in a restaurant…A RESTAURANT…lets you know all you need to know about where the Cowboys are at (and where they’re going).

Nowhere. Or the strip club.