You’re Better Than This, Steel City: Pittsburgh To Host Most Pathetic Rally Ever

  • Alexandra Kuczynski-Brown

Apparently the city of Pittsburgh is really bitter that the Steelers didn’t win the Super Bowl this year — or more specifically, that it didn’t get a parade.

That being said, whoever is in charge of orchestrating these … events … has decided to go ahead and host a celebration anyway — for what is easily the most ridiculous reason in the history of over-the-top, unnecessary revelry.

The city of Pittsburgh will hold a rally at noon Thursday to honor Hines Ward‘s victory in ABC-TV’s “Dancing with the Stars” competition.

Yes, some people are presumably going to take the day off from work to celebrate their wide receiver’s win in a reality T.V. show. If that’s not a sign of the Apocalypse, we don’t know what is. We certainly don’t recall Apolo Ohno getting this kind of treatment, or Dallas rolling out the red carpet for Emmitt Smith when he and partner Cheryl Burke took home the top prize. So what makes Pittsburgh so special?

According to Mayor Luke Ravenstahl:

“City residents and the Steelers Nation have contacted my office asking for the city to properly thank our hometown hero for once-again shining the spotlight on Pittsburgh.”

In an effort to lend some credibility to the cause and at least pretend it has something to do with football:

Fans are encouraged to wear black and gold and bring Terrible Towels to the rally.

Now, we’re all about finding any excuse to party and leak potentially compromising images to the world at large, but… this is just wrong.