Remember all the fun you had watching this year's Rugby World Cup in England? Okay, you probably didn't watch it, but it's not rugby's fault. The game is fast-paced and hard fought by the players. It's just that like soccer and nominating presidential candidates that aren't cartoon figures, the US is really bad at it. How bad? In our pool of 5, we came in last with a record of 0-4. We had a point differential of -106, which included a 64-0 shellacking to South Africa. Only one other team, Uruguay, had a differential worse than the US, but they probably bit someone.
I don't even know how they keep score in rugby but damn.
South Africa beats USA 64-0 in Rugby World Cup 2015 http://t.co/htjR1FsIjK
Enough about how terrible America is. Well, actually, one more thing. It's not just us, but the whole Northern Hemisphere. Not one northern team got past the quarter finals. Quick, name something else where that has happened. Nope, me neither. So it was a great party for the teams who were in England to enjoy the warm weather (think about it...), and the final featured Australia vs. New Zealand, which is like Crocodile Dundee vs. Sauron. Of course, the latter won, 34-17.
What's great about New Zealand participating in any sports event, is it's an excuse to do the Haka, the traditional ceremonial dance of the country's indigenous people, the Maori (see above video against a scared France). You know, the one where they chant, beat their chests, pivot around on their legs, and stick out their tongues. And when the All Blacks win (no, I'm not being racist, that's the team's name despite being of unknown origin), their fans do the Haka, like at the airport:
Those are dudes that should have no trouble with TSA. But not everyone gets intimidated. Here's a memorable moment when the Welsh stood their ground against the All Blacks, and the refs had to make them back down and actually play. It had all the homoerotic sexual tension of the volleyball game in "Top Gun," and honestly, if any female had walked onto that pitch, she would have risked becoming instantly impregnated by all the second-hand testosterone in the air.
So good on you, Kiwis (actually, that might be racist), and keep dancing your Haka. Just don't make it a Hobbit (okay, THAT was definitely racist).
Photo via Getty
David Young has been a columnist for ESPN and Sports Illustrated and is one for SportsGrid.
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