THIS IS REAL: Swedish Soccer Player Sent Off For Offensive Fart
This is not the headline to an article from The Onion. This is a true and gloriously real thing that happened in a Swedish soccer game on Wednesday. Swedish footballer Adam Lindin Ljungkvist, a left-back for Pershagen SK, was shown his second yellow card for what the referee deemed was an unsportsmanlike breaking of wind.
Apparently the local media was referring to it as a "bizarre circumstance" but let's be very clear about this: he was sent off the pitch for farting. It only gets better from there, unfolding in the media as if it were pulled directly from a Monty Python sketch.
“I had a bad stomach, so I simply let go,” he explained. “Then I received two yellow cards and then red. Yes, I was shocked, it’s the strangest thing I have ever experienced in football."
“I asked the referee, ‘What, am I not allowed to break wind a little?’ ‘No,’ he replied … I don’t get it but maybe he thought I farted in my hand and threw the fart at him. But I did not.”
Oh my god this is the best sports story of all time. The clarification that he did not fart in his hand and throw it at the referee is probably the greatest soundbite from an athlete to an official in Sweden since John McEnroe told that poor umpire that he was an unemployed, dorky moron.
Don't worry though, referee Dany Kako clarified that he did not think that a fart was thrown his way but that he issued the yellow card because he could tell - beyond all reasonable doubt - that this was no innocent fart.
“I perceived it as deliberate provocation. He did it on purpose and it was inappropriate. Therefore, he received a yellow card.”
And as it it turns out, Kako wasn't the only one to bear witness to Ljungkvist's explosive mid-match fartfest. Opposition striker Kristoffer Linde attested to the traveling power of the fart by explaining how it echoed bizarrely across the field.
“I was standing a good distance away but I heard the fart loud and clear. It’s the strangest thing I’ve seen on a pitch, and I’ve been playing football since I was eight years old.”
Those are fighting words...I guess. It's honestly hard to tell what is even happening here. Of course Ljungkvist defended himself, telling Aftonbladet:
“To provoke anyone with a fart is not particularly smart or normal. It’s nonsense – I just broke wind and got a red card. I spoke to the referee afterwards, I was annoyed, but there were no bad words. I just said he was a buffoon.”
He makes a good point. Beyond the fact that using farts as a provocation tactic isn't normal, it also isn't a smart play. Sure people can be offended by farts but in general, farts are more irritating than infuriating. Unless your Dany Kako, who seems to have his own issues with handling the way the human body works.
If this isn't turned into an Oscar-nominated Pixar short then someone will have dropped the ball big time.
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