Attention: Anyone Using These Awful New Facebook Emoticons On My Page Will Be Automatically Unfriended
Coming soon to Facebook: these things. A few weeks ago Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg promised us "Dislike buttons", or at least that was the word on the street. But as it turns out, that was just a tease.
No "dislike" button in our immediate future, according to a report by Engadget ES (via The Verve). Instead, we're getting these: a family of cloying, ridiculous emoticons which will be test-marketed to Facebook users in Spain and Ireland as soon as Friday. If they catch on, you can be sure they will appear on our shores.
Facebook has recently introduced new tools to make it easier for users to personalize their profiles and posts. This month, it launched a Snapchat-like "Doodle" feature that allows users to draw on photos, and the site has started to test looped video profile pictures.
According to Engadget, the new icons would appear under posts from users as well as brand pages. It is not yet clear whether the site has plans to introduce the reactions feature beyond Spain and Ireland. A Facebook spokesperson did not immediately respond to a request for comment.
It's long been my contention that the written word is devolving faster than the environment -- it's the intellectual version of global warming. Children don't learn to write anymore because writing is an obsolete skill: we've invented our own modern 140-character hieroglyphics, and if we can knock that down to 100 or 90 characters that's even better.
People can't express themselves properly with words anymore, so they slap a smiley face onto their thoughts so as not to offend or mislead. That anyone would be interested in something written on the typical Facebook page is of itself incredible, but the fact that we feel we might need tiny cartoons to enhance our photos of chicken Marsala or our son's Little League team simply marks the beginning of the end of human civilization.
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