Bracket Of Brackets: Fozzie Bear Is Popped For DUI And Beer Has Won Again

  • Rick Chandler

It’s over: the Bracket of Brackets Tournament, which began with so much pomp and promise, has ended the way you knew it would: shit-faced, pantsless and lying beneath your dining room table. The final between The Muppets and Beer was not so much a championship game as it was an extended halftime, in which all concessions were free, including beer.

As you know, our bracket tournament consisted of rounding up a bunch of other bracket tournaments and pitting them against each other, because all the individual bracket ideas had been taken long ago. So let this be the end of it … beer wins, and we can go on with our lives.

Unfortunately in this case, some participants in the championship game went over to the other side. Naturally, DUI arrests ensued.

He blew a 1.77 blood alcohol level, very high for a Muppet. It basically means he was nearly all alcohol and some stuffing. Sad, really.

Exclusive police dashcam footage taken just before the arrest:

We now conclude with our Bracket of Brackets Championship Game theme song (some lyrics NSFW):