#LOLPUTIN: Gay People Can Come To Winter Olympics, Just Leave Children Alone, Please

  • Jake O'Donnell

Historically, there have always been right and wrong sides, in hindsight regarding human rights issues. Slavery, women’s suffrage, civil rights, etc., etc. The right side is almost always the side that asks for freedom from persecution, while the wrong side generally are those who seek to limit or restrict how a person pursues their own version of happiness. It’s pretty straight forward, and even the people on the wrong side of these issues would agree that, yes, more freedom is better (despite fighting for the contrary).

The trouble is, sometimes people are so unimaginably stupid, that they falsely equivelate one person’s proclivity for a consensual, adult, sexual lifestyle, with that of someone who forcibly manipulates a child into sex. Different things, you guys. Adults, kids. Not that hard to wrap your head around.

Unless you’re a leader of the ninth largest country on Earth. Then you think they’re basically the same thing. Roll the tape…

[The Guardian] “We do not have a ban on non-traditional sexual relationships,” said Putin in comments reported by Russian agencies. “We have a ban on the propaganda of homosexuality and pedophilia [sic]. I want to underline this. Propaganda among children. These are absolutely different things – a ban on something or a ban on the propaganda of that thing.”

“We are not forbidding anything and nobody is being grabbed off the street, and there is no punishment for such kinds of relations,” said Putin. “You can feel relaxed and calm [in Russia], but leave children alone please,” said Putin.

For starters, I can’t imagine a single gay person wanting to patronize the Sochi Olympics given its terribly inhumane context: Russia’s institutionalized homophobic policies. That being said, were you to go in some sort of grueling protest, Vladie Vladie Poot Poots wants to assure you that you will not be “grabbed off the street,” like, say, a pedaphile would abduct a child. Instead, you will be left alone, like, say, a non-pedaphile would leave children alone. Because they’re into adults. Which are not children.

I don’t know what type of boogie man shit this dude thinks gay folks are pulling to recruit new “members” (pun not intended), but it clearly reflects how deranged he is, and subsequently, how untrustworthy he is to boot. The basic underlying ideas behind his beliefs just don’t mesh, logically speaking.

“Ya, so, the other day, I was just walking to school, when I passed this billboard advertising an alternative lifestyle that, among other things, guarantees you’ll be hated, marginalized, even punished for by the government for adopting it. SIGN ME UP!”

I’m pretty sure you don’t have to threaten gay marketing campaigns with legal action to prevent them from actually “converting” people — something that is also wholly untrue and impossible.

Way to go, Russia, you’re a terrible place!