Here’s A Singing Holiday Card From The Denver Nuggets

  • Jordan Rabinowitz

The Denver Nuggets would love to be home for the holidays — they’re a hearty 7-1 at the Pepsi Center and 7-11 on the road. But since they don’t have that luxury (they play in Los Angeles against the Clippers Christmas night), they just want to make sure you and your family at home are as comfy and cozy as they are. Here are the Nuggets singing (kind of) your favorite Christmas carols, and it all sounds exactly like you would expect.

Except JaVale McGee. If this whole basketball thing doesn’t work out for him, there could be a future in the recording industry. I’m not saying I would buy his albums, but I’m not saying he would do total injustice to Barry White. As for the rest of the Nuggets, let’s see how they rate:

Kenneth Faried, “Let it Snow” — Give props to Faried for at least trying to sing where some others just threw in the towel, but he can’t carry a tune. Let it no, Ken. Let it no.

Andre Iguodala, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” — What kind of sillyness is this? Speak-singing? Come on Andre, you sound like someone who doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. Kris Kringle is coming to town, GET PUMPED.

Kosta Koufos, “Here Comes Santa Claus” — Kosta Koufos makes me not want to celebrate Christmas. I don’t celebrate Christmas regardless, but if I did, you just ruined it, Kosta.

Ty Lawson, “I Want To Wish You A Merry Christmas (Feliz Navidad)” — I like his enthusiasm and that weird scarf-swinging, and I believe that you want to wish me a merry Christmas from the bottom of your heart, but a little more singing? Next year?

Corey Brewer, “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” — Has your grandmother ever been run over by a reindeer, Corey? You sound much too distant and blase for someone who has actually experienced it. A little more UMPH next time, Corey. Your trampled grandmother wants it that way.

Danilo Gallinari, “Jingle Bell Rock” — I wish I could see so much more of this. Gallinari is so goofy and endearing, I just want to give him a big Christmas hug.

Evan Fournier, “Jingle Bells” — Who let Evan Fournier wear stockings as oven mitts?

Julyan Stone, “Deck The Halls” — Julyan Stone is dancing like a second-rate Bar Mitzvah dancer. And trust me, I’ve been to my share of them. Somehow, it doesn’t seem right for a Christmas card.

Timofey Mozgov, “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” — It’s beginning to look a lot like I want to see much more of Timofey Mozgov trying to sing in English.

If the Nuggets can do this, do you think Tim and Eric can play basketball?