If You Don’t Kiss Your Girlfriend On The Kiss Cam, You Will Receive A Drink To The Face, And Your Girlfriend Will Leave With The Mascot

  • Matt Rudnitsky

This is from a few days ago but was just brought to our attention. It’s from a Kiss Cam at a Minor League baseball game, via the Fresno Grizzlies. Kiss Cams are mostly drama free, besides the whole put-two-guys-or-two-girls-on-screen thing. But, in Fresno, there was drama. Raw, emotional drama.

OK, it was probably staged. But with acting like that, who cares? When you go to a movie, you know it isn’t real. Yet the Daniel Day-Lewises of the world enthrall you to the point that you sometimes forget. This brave, talented boy did that to a legion of viewers. Check out his perfect reaction faces.

No. 1: I’m on the phone, and I don’t see your sass-finger. Bonus: Stone-faced woman on right keeping stone face.

No. 2: Oh, I just noticed you. Talk to the hand, because the guy/girl on the phone is more important than you, my love. Bonus: Stone-faced woman on right keeping stone face.

No. 3: Oh, you’re pissed. Well, I’m more pissed! I’m incredulous! I’ve practiced my return-sass-hands in the mirror since I was three. Bonus: Stone-faced woman on right keeping stone face.

No. 4: Oh, god. She might be spilling soda on me. Fizz hurts! I am reacting to this in real time, though, so I have yet to flinch. Bonus: Stone-faced woman getting nominated for Oscar.

No. 5: I’m literally shocked that she spilled soda on my face! Bonus: Stone-faced lady’s make-or-break Oscar moment impending. Will she crack? Will she do crack?

No. 6: Male locks up best actor with iconic: “Shit, she got me,” face. Bonus: Stone-faced lady cracks, loses Best Supporting Actress to girl in Yankees shirt. Soda-spiller scores nomination for Best Lead Actress, but loses. Then, soda-spiller leaves with Grizzlies mascot, bestiality ensues. Credits roll, critics acclaim.