Lance Armstrong Better With Doping Than Chugging
Lance Armstrong is like any post-career athlete: he wants a new challenge and a free beer. So when he found the Beer Mile, a race where the contestants must chug a beer, run a lap, drink another beer, run another lap, etc. until they run a mile (that's four laps, incidentally), he was set. The Beer Mile started as something Canadians did for laughs (don't judge them, they have so few), but has expanded into something people actually train for. In fact, if you're in Austin, TX, on December 3, you can attend the first Beer Mile World Championships.
Recently Chris Kimbrough, a 44-year-old mother of six, set the woman's record in a time of 6:28.6. Keep in mind she spent 1:12 of that time drinking her beer. And the men's record holder, James Nielson, got that chugging time down to 30 seconds to achieve a 4:57:1. His sub-5:00 time makes him the Roger Bannister of the Been Mile, a record that could, well, get him a beer in the right bar.
If you watch Nielson's video, you'll find out some curious things about the sport (and Mr. Nielson). First, he takes four times as much time discussing his strategy for drinking the beers than he took to actually drink them. Also, there is a 10-meter exchange zone, where you must consume the beer. It must be a regulation can (no wide-mouths) and you must drink it from the top hole (no shotgunning). He uses Budweiser, which has the necessary 5% alcohol to make the run legal.
And Nielson says what is perhaps my favorite sentence ever: "I will not be advancing the beer... so there's no asterisk next to my name." And after watching the video and seeing Nielson avoid puking, my 14-year-old daughter said my second favorite sentence: "That is one fit alcoholic."
— Cycling Weekly (@cyclingweekly) November 18, 2014
So back to Mr. Armstrong. With or without the doping, he is still a pretty good athlete. He was a triathlete and has run the New York Marathon in under three hours. But once again, Armstrong disappointed his fans. This time, by dropping out after only one burpy lap.
He can handle his EPO but obviously not his IPA http://t.co/RXpaegI9K8
— Chris Hague (@tribuddha) November 19, 2014
So, yes, in a race where it was legal to be juiced, Lance Armstrong didn't even finish. Amateur.
David Young has been a columnist for Sports Illustrated and ESPN, and is now one for SportsGrid.com. Follow him on Twitter @turkeysflying.
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