This Mariners Fan Caught A Foul Ball In His Beer, And Then He Chugged The Beer. It Was Awesome, But Is He A Bro Or A Hipster?
A Seattle Mariners fan was sitting in the stands of Safeco Field last night, watching his sad team lose to the even sadder Houston Astros. Seattle was losing 8-3 in the top of the 8th, and presumably, this fan was only there because he was drinking a beer. Smart people only go to Mariners games to drink beer, so the nine fans that remained were likely all drinking beer. Safeco Field even appears to have good beer, which is nice because bad beer and bad baseball is only fun with the former in mass quantities and the latter in hazy bits.
So, yeah. This guy was at a Mariners game, drinking a beer. He caught a foul ball inside of the beer, because he is an American hero. And because he's an American hero, he chugged the beer. It was an awful, sloppy chug, but support your troops, Americans, and support this wonder of a man.
"Nice, bro!" was my first reaction. Deadspin's Barry Petchesky agreed, calling it a "safe assumption" that this man is a "bro." After much reflection, I'm not sure I agree. I think this man is a hipster. A hipster of the highest order.
Evidence A: He doesn't know how to chug a beer. Bros know how to chug beers. Bros don't waste this much beer when chugging beers.
(Note: Commenters are correctly pointing out that the broken cup impeded his chugging. I don't care; you have to be better than this. I mean, he doesn't really make an effort to corral the majority of beer into his mouth.)
Evidence B: His companion appears to be wearing an ear gauge. I'm not sure that's hipster, but it could be argued, and it is most certainly not bro. It is anti-bro, if anything. Bros don't go to baseball games with anti-bros.
Evidence C: The jacket-thingy. It appears to be a hipster-ish jacket, and an anti-bro one. It's tough to see, but I maintain this position, tentatively.
Evidence D: He is at a Mariners game. Hipsters don't like sports, but they do like declining sports, like baseball, by their definition. It is very hipster to like a national laughingstock. It is very hipster to go to a laughingstock's game and stay when all non-hipsters have left. This guy probably was a King Felix fan when he was merely Prince Felix, before he was cool. He probably supports the Mariners, but no longer roots for that talented sell-out. A bro would be wearing a Felix Hernandez jersey; a hipster would be wearing a hipster jacket yelling about how winning Cy Youngs is selling out.
Evidence E: He is in Seattle, the Hipster Capital of the world. This is an irrefutably strong piece of evidence.
I rest my case. Certainly anti-bro, possibly hipster. If anyone has any information on the man's social identity, please email email@example.com or Tweet me @Mattrud.
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